Cold as ice to me

How winter is like an abusive boyfriend: 

• He pushes for quick involvement.  Blizzards and 9 feet of snow as early as October.
• He is controlling. Who wants to drive very far on ice and/or slush covered roads or be outside in minus 20 wind chill for more than a couple minutes? We have to wear certain clothes, put on extra moisturizer, pay high heating bills.
• He has very unrealistic expectations. Shoveling the sidewalk and driveway. Sometimes twice a day. The snow ends up piled so high, it’s difficult to throw it atop the heap with the shovel.
• There is isolation. Stuck mostly inside the house for months, watching endless bad television, bored.
• He blames others for his own mistakes. It’s global warming. It’s the polar vortex. It’s the arctic vortex. It’s El Niño. It’s the jet stream.
• He makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. We’d enjoy it if we were skiers.
• He is cruel to animals and children. Homeless animals freeze. Deer can’t find food. Kids have to walk in the street or trudge through snow up to their knees & risk being run over just walking to school for an education.
• He has sudden mood swings. Minus 30 wind chill one day and 50 degrees and sunny the next. If you're lucky.
• He has a past of battering. Centuries of abuse.
• There are threats of violence. The weather report.

Dear sir or madam will you read my book?

If you have some books (paperback, hardcover) or even audio discs and cassettes at home that you no longer want for one reason or another, but don't want to throw them in the recycling bin, check out the Paperback Swap site.You can list books you want to swap and when someone requests it, mail it to them. The first ten books you list earn you two credits to choose two books. Looks like after that whenever someone requests a book of yours, you receive a credit. There are over over 4 million titles to choose from. You print the postage labels for books people request from you at home and simply mail it to them.

Together for the first time

One morning last week my stapler became hopelessly jammed. Not what I was wanting when I had to staple together 24 invoices. And it's a little embarrassing having coworkers see one trying to fish out the stuck staples with an unbent paperclip. Honestly, those little buggers (the staples, not the coworkers!) took me about 20 minutes to free. The previous week I had to figure out how to reload staples in an electronic stapler. Open the visor, that was easy. Next step took me several Google searches to find and the next step was: unlock the cartridge. Nowhere did the internet tell me HOW to unlock the cartridge. I finally figured out to press down very hard (breaking a fingernail in the process) on a teeny blue button which apparently was the cartridge lock.

So for a couple weeks it seemed staples and/or staplers were out to get me. If only someone would invent a staple-free stapler. Oh wait, someone has!

There's a new handy device that cuts a little flap in the corner of your papers, folds those flaps back and tucks them into a tiny slit. It can clip together up to five sheets at once. It's safe for all ages and supposedly maintenance free. Prices start at six dollars. Government offices in Japan almost all use these devices exclusively. The current market for these is about 30% more than traditional staplers.

If I could save time in a fish tank

"An oasis of calm in your hectic cube."

On my work desk I have my computer and assorted dull things like: stapler, calendar, hand lotion, tape dispenser and paper clips. It would be very cool to add this for life, color and even functionality. I'd probably end up watching the fish swim around far too much, though, since there's something hypnotizing about that.

For around forty dollars, you can buy this beauty. It's powered entirely by your computer's USB power. Plays soothing nature sounds. I suppose not everyone considers all nature sounds soothing. Frogs and birds are very well outside, but I don't know about indoors and the sound of running water would probably make me have to use the ladies room more often. It contains a multifunctional pen holder, multicolor interior lights, under-gravel filtration system, low voltage pump, LCD calendar with time and date plus the temperature, alarm clock and countdown timer (hopefully not countdown to when you're fired for watching your fish too much.)

So you are a star

If you would like you, your family and your friends to star in novels, Ustarnovels can make that literary dream come true. They have ebooks, romance novels, vampire thrillers, childrens and teens books, the classics and more categories to choose. The books are bound paperbacks that look like any other book you'd buy except you star in the story. The personalized romance novels can be 150 to 180 pages. The personalized classics from 120 to 520 pages. You choose your own cover and spend five minutes filling out a questionaire to provide details required to personalize the story. Cost is between $24.95 and $39.95 plus shipping and handling. 

How many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall

Trypophobia is a fear of holes, or objects with holes. Beehives, ant hills, sponges, seed pods. That sort of thing. Apparently people with this fear see holes like these and have a reaction in their brains that signals danger. I'm mentioning this because the street where I live currently is turning into what resembles a bomb site, with hundreds (seemingly thousands) of potholes. Driving down it makes one wonder if one of those holes (or a conglomeration of them) will turn into a gigantic sinkhole and one will be sucked into the earth's core. If I suddenly disappear, look for me there.

Check it and see

One night sitting, listening to an old ELO album, the song "Ma-ma-ma belle" came on and in a moment of epiphone that should have happened decades ago, I realized it was way too similar of a sound to Foreigner's "Hot blooded." The ELO song was released in 1973. Foreigner's in 1978. Listen for yourself. And someone give Jeff Lynne a call.

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

I saw this in a magazine (which magazine, I have now forgotten) that I read a couple weeks ago. While you’re out shopping, you may want to be aware that colors can affect how you spend your money. And those colors are placed there on purpose to make you spend your money like the “ad wizards” want you to. Here’s some helpful hints:

Black: Makes everything seem more posh.

Blue: One of the most favored colors. Customers are 15% more likely to return to stores with blue color schemes. Makes people feel secure.

Burgundy: Reminds customers of the rich and refined. So that must be why so much of my house is decorated in burgundy. If I can’t be rich and refined, I might as well fool myself.

Orange: Associated with affordability.

Pink: Has calming effects.

Red: Too much like a stop sign. Stores should avoid using.

Green: Eco minded, even if what the customer is buying is not eco friendly.

Violet: Think of royalty.

White: Simplicity and purity, modernity and honesty.

Yellow: Fast food favorite, supposedly increases appetites.

Separated at birth?

I always suspected Canadian musician Lisa Dalbello was secretly a Romulan.

Never break the chain

It was interesting re-watching Simon & Garfunkel's concert in New York City from around 30 years ago. Among many other things I noticed, the duo coincidentally happened to mention all three of my cats by name during this show: May, she will stay and Hop on the bus, Gus, and Wake up little Susie. Shortly after watching this concert, Jeopardy had an answer about a song of theirs that used tire chains. I thought "Bridge Over Trouble Water" used drums and cymbals, etc. when it builds to a crescendo. But that was the correct question. In listening to it, expecting the sorts of chains ghosts might be rattling, I didn't hear chains, so I had to look up where it really was. Drummer Hal Blaine said, “The image I got when I heard the song was a black man in a chain gang. So I went out to my car, got my chains from my snow tires, and overdubbed the ending section. I was on my knees in front of the snare, pulling the tire chains across the head, and slapping them down on two and four. It created a cool after-beat."

You gotta look sharp!

Recently read about this woman who, in 2012, wrote a poem every single day and then posted them on her blog Amy Turn Sharp.. And they're good poems. Wonderful to read. So I've been needling myself, saying to myself, Why am I not doing this? Drag myself out of bed 15 minutes earlier & write something, anything and put it in a Varushka poetry blog. At any rate, when the weather's been nicer, I've been taking my lunch half hour to sit outside & scribble a page or so of lunch poems, much like Frank O'Hara, but of course, not at all like Frank O'Hara because he wrote so phenomenally, even during his lunch hour.

Separated at birth?

Shakira and Abba'sAgnetha Fältskog?

An Idiot Abroad Season 1

Some of  my favorite lines from Karl (and Ricky and Steve)'s series where Karl visits the seven wonders of the world and whines:

• They wreck everything. They make everything weird. 
• He's scared to go to China in case he gets a taste for toad.
• Their alphabet is like someone testing out a biro.
• Everything we've gone, the did it weirder. 
• Everything's sort of hazy, like some Kate Bush video.
• I don't think I've ever felt this lost, even in Wales. 
• Was that a masssage or was I just mugged?
• Where's the line between food and insect?
• Just the weirdness of China, that tires you out on its own.
• This ain't a place where they need an iPod.
• It goes on for miles over hills. So does the M6 and that does a job.
• It's not the Great Wall. It's an alright wall.
• I've never said to you, "I'll have a bit of toad."
• You don't normally have to have a fire extinguisher on standby when you're having a massage.
• I'm not going on a camel again.
• I didn't come here for a Latin lesson.
• What do you put down as an address? The Cave? 
• My eyes have never been so busy.
• They just overload the bike so much that you just think "get a van."
• I'm getting bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I'm him."
• I think I've seen a fish with three heads.
• I'm not gonna use a pyramid.
• Chocolate eggs, that's what Easter is. Take the eggs away, it's Friday.
• Why have we got a day for pancakes?
• It's like everyone's daring each other to do something stupid.
• You don't get that fat from wasp larvae.
• I'm half tempted to fall over, like that woman, get a lift home.
• It's like something out of Planet of the Apes.
• It's like a game of jenga that's got out of hand.
• Is it normal to have sweaty ears?
• Me ears haven't stopped since I've been here.
• I've never watched Tarzan and thought I'd love to go there on holiday. 
• It's a hard life to be a stick insect.
• No matter where you live, there's a nutter.

Cold as ice to me

One of the times I visited Niagara Falls, the American side was nearly frozen over. I took a photograph of it but don't know where that is now. The weird part was that it was the beginning of May. While I don't remember that winter and spring being exceptionally cold, I do remember being disappointed that the Falls weren't roaring down the hillside. But I'm more of a summer type of person. Some winter enthusiasts would probably be thrilled to see the Falls frozen. It's happened a few times in history. 1848 and also both very cold winters of 1911 and 1912. At that time people walked across the Falls until the ice broke and three people lost their lives. After that it didn't seem like a good idea anymore. The above picture looks similar to when I visited, although not in color and obviously all those people weren't there when I was!

Twilight, time to dream awhile

First I must say I enjoyed the Twilight books and first three movies but while watching "Breaking Dawn Part 2" I found myself thinking "This is really dumb" and "I hope it's over soon." So, what was the problem? Too much of CG effects? I know they wanted it from vampire Bella's point of view but was there no way to realistically portray this? During the too long "battle," we started laughing that heads were being flipped back like Pez dispensers. Not the reaction producers and directors wanted, I'm sure. For the first twenty minutes the repetition of "Twinkle twinkle little star" music in the background (or possibly in my head) annoyed me. There was no subplot whatsoever, which could have easily been accomplished by incorporating Meyer's "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner." That would have played on our emotions since her story is heartbreaking. Oh well.

Cat's choice

Most cats like being up high and in trees. With indoor cats, that's not always easy. But Pet Tree Houses has expertly crafted furniture it seems cats would love. Made out of real trees, unique and with a lifetime guarantee. Not sure if that means the tree or the cat. Probably the tree. Here's a picture that would make my 3 cats drool.

Birdie in the hand

Last night after dinner, about 100 crows were perched in the very tops of two trees at my neighbor's place, much like something out of Alfred Hitchcock's movie "The Birds." By the time I grabbed my camera, they had scattered. Apparently this behavior is called roosting. Why crows roost is still speculative. They may be congregating in a favorite, safe spot. They may find protection from predators by this safety in numbers method. They may be near a food source (which I hope was not meant to be me.) Maybe they had word something exciting was going to happen here at a certain time, but it never panned out, so they left.

Searching so long to find an answer

Documentary: "Searching for Sugar Man." Imagine being at work one day and a co-worker you've known for decades non-chalantly says, "I've discovered I'm a rock star in South Africa and I have to go on tour there now." So is the story of the musician known as Rodriguez. He released two albums in the early 1970s in America but they didn't chart so the record company dropped him. We wondered if his voice was too similar to James Taylor's (with a touch of Jose Feliciano and Dylanesque lyrics) and since there already was such a singer, if that's why he went nowhere at that time.

The rest of the story is that some girl traveled to South Africa with one of his records and a friend there copied it. Nowadays the rest of the story would not happen because copying music is illegal, making me wonder how many countries will miss out on future Rodriguezes because music is now property. Back to the 70s: his music spread through South Africa and he became a phenomenon. For decades he was rumored to be dead. Finally in the late 90s, through help from the Internet and one of his daughters posting on a website, he was discovered alive and scraping by in Detroit. Now his records will be re-released. Like everything else, he seems to be be taking this new notoriety in stride with humility and grace.

Me and you, my Pluto

If you'd like to help name the small moons that orbit Pluto, check out Pluto Rocks and vote for your favorite names.

Can you see the real me?

Last January production of the 100 watt incandescent light bulb was terminated. At some point in the fall I replaced the light bulb that died in the living room with a 75 watt. Because my brain bulb was also dim, it took me a few weeks to realize why I couldn't see as well to read in that spot. Well, this January the 75 watts have been eliminated. So I'm left with 90 watt knock offs from Hungary or choosing the new ugly and much more expensive fluorescent bulbs which are dimmer than my brain bulb and take time to warm up, leaving me to wonder what century I'm living in when I'm expected to wait for a bulb to warm up and think it's progress.

That aside, Philips in the Netherlands has created an LED hue home lighting system that can be controlled by your phone so you can switch lights on or off, adjust their brightness and color from anywhere, even another country. They'll remember favorite settings and have possibly 16 million colors to chose from. A starter kit of three bulbs and some sort of router bridge costs $200. Each additional light is $60. I'm not sure how much light they provide.

Do we need 'em : Wovel

I've never used one but I suspect I might need  a Wovel. They are wheeled snow shovels designed to pick up more snow three times faster than an ordinary shovel, plus reduce physical strain. Apparently comparable to walking, you use your body weight to life and throw snow. Snow blowers are loud and I don't want to wake the entire neighborhood at 6 a.m. Plus they're not green. Many days we only have an inch or two of snow, which the Wovel is best used for. So if someone wants to buy me one, I'll give it a try!

Who Are You, Downton Abbey version

While I haven't as yet seen the British show "Downton Abbey," I do have series one on reserve and hope to catch it soon. I don't know any of the characters, but this Downton Quiz Site says I'm "Robert, Earl of Grantham. Honest and old-fashioned, you’re primarily motivated by honor and duty. You’re so honorable, you’re actually willing to let a virtual stranger inherit all your worldly goods rather than risk breaking up your family’s legacy. Some people might call you a stick in the mud, but you can be extremely generous and forgiving toward those you feel have earned your loyalty."

Do we need 'em : Interactive Ski Goggles

Imagine zooming down a mountain called Whiteface and receiving a text message from the friend who you have tracked as being 50 feet behind you. Your speed, altitude and air time of your last jump? All this data pops up right there on a small interactive screen built into your visor. In the least intrusive spot possible, of course. Still, concentrating on the display may distract you and cause injury or death. Personally, I'd rather focus on whether or not I'm going to smack into a tree and break a leg or neck, but I have a couple nephews who would probably love this technology.

Do we need 'em? : Gorilla Arm

Windows 8 may very well be the best operating system in the world, ever. I don't know because I haven't used it. Reading about it using touch screen menus has made me wonder why they (Gates and Co.) chose to make it more phone & tablet user-like because: 
"humans aren't designed to hold their arms in front of their faces making small motions. After more than a very few selections, the arm begins to feel sore, cramped, and oversized — the operator looks like a gorilla while using the touch screen and feels like one afterwards."

It's crazy enough that certain software is so heavily mouse-centric. Type on a couple keys, reach for mouse. Reach back to keyboard, type on a couple keys, reach back to mouse. Repeat all day long and ignore cranky right shoulder muscles.

Tell you all about it when I get home

Ewan and Charley went back out on the road again in "Long Way Down," this time riding from the northern tip of Scotland (count how many times Ewan says John O'Groats) to the southern tip of Africa. Watching this immediately after finishing "Long Way Round" made for an abrupt change of feel - they seemed more subdued and serious, like this was a job (which it was) rather than just an adventure. Everyone seemed tense from expecting to meet schedules and deadlines until they had a huge off-camera blow up in Ethiopia. Then tensions eased and the guys seemed more like themselves, fraternizing with the locals, being sillier. Later Ewan's wife pulled a Yoko. I understand her wanting to be with her husband but since she previously had zero experience riding any type of motorcycle anywhere, it seemed dangerously foolish.

The disparity of attitude and landscape from one African country to another was often staggering. A school friend of mine has done missions work with the orphans of Ethiopia so I appreciated seeing a small glimpse of what she and her family have lived with. The scenery was always astounding no matter where they were. Count how many times Ewan compares where they are to Scotland. I didn't think any of it looked like Scotland, except Scotland. I loved the people who put up a huge sign near the road for them to stop in for a cup of tea. Amazing to see the pyramids right beside the road. Amusing how no one at the Tunisian "Star Wars" set recognized Ewen.

Hang my head, Drown my fear, Till you all just Disappear...

One of the places the guys stopped in "Long Way Round" was the Aral Sea in Kazakhstan which isn't nearly as much a sea as it used to be. Previously one of the four largest lakes in the world, it's been shrinking since the Soviets diverted the rivers feeding it. Its near disappearance has wrecked the local economy and climate. Hundreds of ships were left to rust in the now desert. They'd all still be there if locals hadn't scavenged them for scrap metal. It would be very strange to walk out the front door of your house and right there in your yard is this huge ship.

It looks a lot like the one used by Jimmy Page

Watched documentary: "It Might Get Loud" featuring the remarkable guitarists Jimmy Page, The Edge and Jack White, all of whom are musical geniuses. And they have some beautiful guitars. Even one Jack makes with an old soda pop bottle. The guys discuss their formative years and trade info on how to play some of their hits. "Kashmir" in the bonus features is brilliant. I've always loved the way Page plays for the sound as well as how he puts his entire body and soul into it, becoming fluid with the guitar. The Edge must be very good natured to allow a clip of extremely early U2 looking like they were about 15 and playing dreadful kitsch. I was embarrassed for him, just watching it. Glad they improved! Nice to see some clips featuring Meg White who might have explained The Tractatus from Wittgenstein in depth. We have no way of knowing because she's a Quiet Talker.

Call me in Alaska if it all turns out right

We watched this old (2004? How is it that 2004 is now considered old?) special/series that Ewan McGregor made with his friend Charley Boorman, "Long Way Round." Enjoyed it so much, we're next going to watch the sequel, "Long Way Down." The first one, the lads start out in London and ride their very spiffy motorcycles east through incredible terrain, sometimes without a hint of a road, nothing but marshlands or rivers to cross over Europe and Asia, into Alaska, down through Canada and over to New York City. It took them 3 or 4 months plus prep time. I hear they have a special edition of this were they spend more time in Europe and America which would be even better because other than Montana, you really see next to nothing of this part of the world. From the map, it looked like they rode very close to us here, possibly just over the PA border. Would've been so cool to see them. Maybe if they take another trip!

What I am is what I am you what you are or what?

My  niece mentioned a 20-questions-like web page The Akinator, the Web Genius that can be fun to play. It took the thing more than the original guesses to come up with what I was thinking of both times I played, but when I continued, it guessed correctly. And without really a lot of information to go on. I think I'll try again with Edina Monsoon.. Yes, it guessed her with no problem.

Separated at birth revisited

Zoe Kazan and Kristin Hersh?

I love Paris in the springtime

One of the best movies I've seen this year is last year's Oscar winner for best original screenplay: Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris. Tremendous cinematography created an ambiance that transports you there where you enjoy a tight, flawless script. Whether you want to suspend disbelief and think Gil/Owen Wilson truly time-traveled back to the 1920s or whether it was poetic license of the viewer gaining insight into his developing creativity, doesn't matter. The result was superbly lovely. And now one of my favorite Allen movies of all time. Since he's filmed around 41 movies, that speaks volumes.

The cast portrayed their characters so deftly that it seemed like being able to meet these great writers and artists from 90 years ago. Being a literature fan, I loved seeing Hemingway, Fitzgerald and Stein brought to life. Coincidentally, two days after watching this movie, a Jeopardy question/answer concerned a composer who lived in Paris in the 1920s. I'm shouting at the television "Porter! Porter!" but none of the contestants knew it. They should have watched the movie. Also coincidentally, it seems from my memory that in his later years, Dali was friends with Mia Farrow. Cue: it's a small world.

Better off dead if you haven't yet died

A couple months ago, we watched Michael Moore's documentary "Capitalism: a Love Story." Agree or disagree with Moore, and there are plenty of people who do both (personally I like to do both at the same time), he always makes some jaw-dropping points. The previous post about FDR stuck in my mind. Another "what in the name of sanity?" moment was about how employers are taking out life insurance on their employees. If your company does so, you are worth far more to them dead than alive. Think about the implications. And then check Dead Peasants to find out how much your workplace may value you.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

On January 11, 1944, Franklin D. Roosevelt gave a State of the Union address and proposed a Second Bill of Rights. This included:

• The right to a useful and remunerative job in the industries or shops or farms or mines of the nation;
• The right to earn enough to provide adequate food and clothing and recreation;
• The right of every farmer to raise and sell his products at a return which will give him and his family a decent living;
• The right of every businessman, large and small, to trade in an atmosphere of freedom from unfair competition and domination by monopolies at home or abroad;
• The right of every family to a decent home;
• The right to adequate medical care and the opportunity to achieve and enjoy good health;
• The right to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment;
• The right to a good education.

FDR did not live to implement these ideas. If anyone wants to pick this up and run with it, the entire nation would benefit from a touchdown.

Tell me who are you

For all your Dr Who crocheting needs, see: Dr Who Crochet. Okay, maybe they're lacking one rather important need. The patterns!

The qwerty effect

I don't know about anyone else, but right now I'm trying to type around a big fat cat body. Because of this, my right elbow is jutting out towards the front porch and the right side of my neck is scrunched up. This means that letters I'm typing with my right hand are significantly harder than those with my left hand. I suppose one could infer from this that I like the letters on the left side of the keyboard better because they're easier to type. I know my favorite password is all typed on the left side.

But wait. There's two linguists named Kyle Jasmin and Daniel Casasanto who may have never had to type around a big fat cat body. In their newly published paper, they argue the opposite. They state that because the QWERTY keyboard has more letters on the left than the right, it's easier to find the correct letters for right-side dominated words. Also, letter combinations for those right-side dominated words are easier. Therefore, words dominated by right-side letters "acquire more positive valences." That is, we like 'em. Well, do we kitties?

Your mother was a hamster!

Or head on over to the Luther Insulter for some creative gems from centuries past. This morning I got:

"Your words are so foolishly and ignorantly composed that I cannot believe you understand them."

From Explanations of the Ninety-Five Theses, pg. 87 of Luther's Works, Vol. 31.

Hit the "Insult me again" button over & over for more.