The Universe and Me

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Cold as ice to me

How winter is like an abusive boyfriend: 

  • He pushes for quick involvement.  Blizzards and 9 feet of snow as early as October.
  • He is controlling. Who wants to drive very far on ice and/or slush covered roads or be outside in minus 20 wind chill for more than a couple minutes? We have to wear certain clothes, put on extra moisturizer, pay high heating bills.
  • He has very unrealistic expectations. Shoveling the sidewalk and driveway. Sometimes twice a day. The snow ends up piled so high, it’s difficult to throw it atop the heap with the shovel.
  • There is isolation. Stuck mostly inside the house for months, watching endless bad television, bored.
  • He blames others for his own mistakes. It’s global warming. It’s the polar vortex. It’s the arctic vortex. It’s El Niño. It’s the jet stream.
  • He makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. We’d enjoy it if we were skiers.
  • He is cruel to animals and children. Homeless animals freeze. Deer can’t find food. Kids have to walk in the street or trudge through snow up to their knees & risk being run over just walking to school for an education.
  • He has sudden mood swings. Minus 30 wind chill one day and 50 degrees and sunny the next. If you're lucky.
  • He has a past of battering. Centuries of abuse.
  • There are threats of violence. The weather report.