A hoopy frood

Which Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Character are You?

You are FORD PREFECT. You are a relaxed, hoopy sort of frood when it comes to big mind-boggling things like life, the universe, and everything. You are not, as many people think, an out-of-work actor from Guildford, but rather an alien from somewhere around Betelgeuse, and a writer for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. You love towels, drinking, girls, and maybe also the ape-descendant you rescued. One never knows with you.

24: 1 p.m. - 2 p.m.

24. 7.6. Sean may be hasty in presuming or hoping that Renee is dead. Chloe and Bill magically find/uncover her and revive her with a shot of adrenaline. They warn her not to contact the compromised FBI. Jack asks how Emerson sprang Tony from CTU. He says Christopher Anderson, who I just about remember, missed the artery on purpose. Tony has to shoot Emerson to stop the deal. Jack explains to the PM and wife that they need their help and says they won’t let Dubaku torture them. Let’s all laugh. The PM is against being used as a pawn but wife wants some excitement after all these years.

Dubaku phones Mrs President so she can witness a plane hit another plane or flock of birds. Seagulls, perhaps. She must withdraw forces from Sangala or more will die. Why does Joe from the cabinet appear to be Tony’s twin? PM wonders who Chloe is and why she’s putting a transmitter on his teeth. She says she’s a stay a home mom. During the diamonds exchanged for PM, Jack saves Tony from being shot. Let’s put that behind us. When Samantha returns to her apartment, Brian stabs her to death. He tries to hang First Husband from the rafters but the paralyzing drug wears off. FH starts to strangle him and they fall. Brian dies. Dubaku targets a small town in Ohio to destroy next.

24: 12 p.m. - 1 p.m.

7.5. The FBI calls back Renee but she won’t go. Jack pumps ammonia something into the safe room. Although PM and wife try to tell themselves their cause is more important than they are, she wimps out and opens the door. The attorney general’s office has questions for Janis but she insists she’s not involved at all. Jack frisks Renee, which we’re sure he didn’t enjoy. Emerson checks with his source at the FBI to find out how much she knows. With is wife safely landed, Sean is once again friendly with Erika. The FH meets with Roger’s friend Brian who says he has documents to prove Roger was murdered. Brian takes FH to Sam’s apartment, drugs him with tetradyazine or similar, with plans to kill him and bring Samantha there and kill her too.

Emerson learns Renee is extraneous. They take her to an abandoned construction site to kill her, which Emerson orders Jack to do. He tells her he can get her out alive, but then makes it appear he shoots her and kicks her in a ditch. He hopes plastic tarp will be good enough cover but Emerson demands Jack and Tony bury her. With only half an inch of dirt covering her face, I guess we were supposed to be worried she’ll suffocate. Did the writers not see what happened to Nikki & Paolo on Lost?

24: 11 a.m. - 12 p.m.

7.4. Alan Tanner, confidante of Tony, is out of surgery. Mrs President doesn’t want to negotiate with terrorists. Tony explains to Jack that David Emerson paid off someone at CTU to inject him with something to make him appear dead, but later revived him. Of course. Emerson targeted former employees with grievances against the government and Tony worked for him, which he must pretend to do again to retrieve the device. Sean snaps at an FBI co-worker named Erika who appears confused. Emerson doesn’t think it’s worth the risk to include Jack and wants Tony to kill him. Jack fights the guards. He’s offended because he came there to do a job, not to be double crossed. Emerson warns him, by killing an employee who doesn’t, “Fall in line or you’re gone.”

Sean impersonates an Agent Moss and arranges for his wife’s flight to be moved to the head of the queue to land. Juma’s troops advance on a refugee camp. The Sangala PM wants help/weapons. Mrs President is reminded that “a superpower has to act on its own interests.” Emerson’s gang plans to pick up a package/person: the PM. Roger Taylor (still not the Queen drummer), discovered bank records that proved trading with Sangala. The accounts were traced to a senior member of the administration. On questioning, Tanner scoffs at Renee and demands his lawyers who Janis stalls long enough for Renee to pull out his ventilator. I’m not comfortable with that either, but Renee learns Tony’s group plans to abduct the PM who is locked in a safe room of reinforced concrete. As if that will hold Jack back. Best line: “You have enough to think about without being burdened with details.”

24 : 10 a.m. - 11 a.m.

7.3. Tony, in custody, claims he’s working for the Juma regime which demands the US get out or stay out of Sangala. To save himself time and pain, Jack wants Tony to explain how he’s still alive. More important, why would he want to aid a genocide? Jack about strangles him for information, which turns out to be “deep sky,” their previous code to call CTU. Since it’s been disbanded, Jack calls Bill who appears to have colored his hair to the point of achieving a halo glow. Tony is actually working undercover for Bill, though now there’s the problem of Tony not being able to control the CIP device as they planned. They need him back undercover. And hello there Chloe who commends Jack for looking good on C-Span.

Samantha, former girlfriend of Roger Taylor (not the drummer from Queen,) calls the First Husband. Janis discovers Sean’s involvement in something. He claims he wanted to see if his wife’s plane was involved. Janis deletes his name from the evidence. Jack renders Renee unconscious as I wonder why Bill and Chloe didn’t tell Jack what was going on to being with. Jack springs Tony, who’s grateful. Jack’s “just glad I didn’t break your neck.” Janis notices someone has accessed the FBI’s surveillance system and boots them out, so Chloe loses her feed. Tony jumps from the parking lot to Bill’s van. Pursued, Jack has to hot wire a car and drive over the building side to reach them. Why do it the easy way? I’m still wondering what “cycling frequencies” means. Best line: “The government poisons everything in its path.”

24: 9 a.m. - 10 a.m.

7.2. Looks like someone working for the FBI tipped off Tony. Anyone suspect Janis? The screens for the Eastern Quadrant are locked. Probably important. At JFK planes are on a collision course and everyone holds their breath until Tony orders one up before they crash. Next time it won’t be just a warning, he warns them. The sniper hides in the basement of the Columbia building. Tony sends FBI agent or similarly dressed person possibly named Lennart to help him escape. But forgot it’s in the details. Jack notices the dude’s shoes are different from the others & clues in Renee. They intend to handle it on their own. This should go well.

The First Gentleman (Mrs President’s Mr) hires a private investigator to check out his son’s death since he refuses to believe it was a suicide. Samantha, the former fiancée, tells FG there was money in an offshore account. Not her money, but her aunt’s. Hiding from the IRS. Why this is important is unclear in my notes, as are the notes that follow. I might have been half asleep at this point. Tony’s priority is the CIP device. He’s on a boat and plans to chopper out with the device, but Jack stops him. As Shakespeare said: They fight. The device gets away. Most don’t tell that to Chloe line: “It’s just technology.”

24: 8 a.m. - 9 a.m.

7.1. Some rogue group kidnaps Michael Latham (whoever he is when he’s at home) and forces him to make a CIP device (whatever that is) work. Jack tries to avoid answering questions at a senate hearing with the old “that’s classified info” trick. He adapted and broke procedure (i.e. used extreme interrogation methods) to achieve results and protect innocent lives. Renee Walker interrupts the hearing. Jack is needed to help with a homeland security problem. It seems Tony Almeda isn’t dead after all. He is, though, blaming the government for losing Michelle.

Jack and Renee follow a forged access card lead from old CTU files to find Gabriel Schecter. They “get behind the operation with both shoulders,” whatever that means. Schecter won’t talk until Jack’s ready to “break procedure,” but shots blast through the windows and Schecter’s taken out. Jack and Renee pursue the assailant in the building across the street. The Sangala subpot continues to bore. Juma must be stopped. Mrs President ponders what to do. The Feds notice a 767 has lost control. Tony, with CIP device, orders a plane to lower altitude. Line most Chloe-like from FBI’s Janis: “Most people don’t like sarcasm.”

Don't go imagining that time is medicine

The Big Three (Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and round-headed Karl Pilkington) recently released a new podcast or ibook or similar called Medicine. Keeping up with Karl's quote gems, here's some to add:

• What did he say? (wondering what he just said)
• If your brain was in your foot, it’d take ages to say anything.
• “Smallpox, we’ll keep it just in case”? Get rid of it!
• There are not tough babies anymore.
• Sometimes I don’t know whether I feel well.
• If an idea isn’t daft, it isn’t worth thinking about. (what Einstein might have said)
• If you can’t get through the door, I’m not seeing you (re: fatties getting special treatment at the doctor’s)
• She rattles, she carries that many pills, like a maraca (re: Auntie Norah)
• With all fiction comes the future.
• A problem solved is a problem caused.