The Universe and Me

Monday, May 08, 2006


  • Are you comparing me to God? I mean, it's great, but so you know, I've never made a tree.
  • Who the man? I the man. I always suspected.
  • A secret club. What's the secret, they're all morons?
  • I promise you, the next knitting injury that comes in, we're on it like stink on cheese.
  • Like I always say, there's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me,' though, if you jumble it up.
  • You put the Queen on your money, you're British.
  • If you talk to God, you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic.
  • Everybody lies.
  • Truth begins in lies.
  • You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.
  • We all make mistakes, and we all pay a price.
  • Everybody does stupid things, it shouldn't cost them everything they want in life.
  • The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up.
  • Ideopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots cause we can't figure out what's causing it.
  • The eyes can mislead, the smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth.
  • It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.
  • How does someone just start drooling? Chase? Were you wearing your short shorts?
  • You want to be a rebel; stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does, and get a hair cut. Like the Asian kids that don't leave the library for a twenty hours stretch. They're the ones that don't care what you think.
  • But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin.
  • I find your interest interesting.
  • You wanna come over tonight and watch old movies and *cry*?
  • Overall, drug addicts are idiots
  • So what's your plan? You take the big dark one, I'll take the little girl, and the Aussie will run like a scared wombat if things get tough.
  • Oh, it's storytime! Let me get my baba.


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