The Universe and Me

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Cloning around

Movie: Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Having been a teen when the Star Wars movies were first released, I can’t help but compare how I felt then as opposed to how I feel about the current batch. The old movies were swashbucklers set in space. I cared about the characters and the plots were exciting. Now special effects and battle scenes carry the most importance. The nonstop action of running from Imperial troops has been replaced by politics, talks about councils and senatorial meetings. The relationship of Anakin and Padme was so bland, the only reason I wanted them together was so they could have Luke and Leia. Both Natalie and Hayden sounded listless, like they were reading their lines. If they had personalities, I’d be surprised. Anakin on his own was condescending, obnoxious, whiney, arrogant, snarky and ultimately unlikable. Why anyone would fall for this loser or his dorky hairstyle is beyond my capacity to comprehend. Was Padme from Rivendell? I forgot to check for elf ears. Maybe if she’d stopped wearing those huge headdresses sooner, she’d have been less of a target. I appreciated Ewan’s copying Alec’s speech patterns. And I liked the droid waitress. The only funny line seemed to be one they didn’t realize was or intend to be funny: “They’re clones, they keep to themselves.” Otherwise, 3PO’s quips were too punny and not funny to anyone over eight years old. I never realized until now how the Force’s creed of trusting your feelings is the opposite of psychological logic. Your feelings can betray you. What, the El Kamino people couldn’t afford a carport so Ewan didn’t have to get soaked? Who names their daughter Shmi? There goes Christopher Lee dueling wizards again. Yoda may be small, but he’s mighty. So Anakin began to turn evil because Tuskan Raiders killed his mother? This explains nothing about his hatred of the Jedi. Maybe that’s in the next movie. Why isn’t there a plural for Jedi? Singularly or as a group, they are just Jedi. The song “The Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging” was in my mind all through the droid assembly line scene. And thanks for nothing, Jar Jar. Strangely, I felt the most sympathy for the Fetts, who were bad guys. To sum up, it was better than The Phantom Menace, but how couldn’t it be?


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