Lost: The Exodus Part 1

Madame Nutso drops by to warn the Lostaways that The Others, who she’s never seen even though they’ve shared an island for 16 years, are coming. Their arrival will be preceded by a pillar of black smoke which may mean they’re looking for a new pope and Turniphead is their favoured candidate. The bigger question: did Jack rip the sleeves off his shirt on purpose so he could show off his tattoos? Hurley seemed worried that 43 people wouldn’t fit in the hatch and, seeing as how he’s the largest, he’d be left out. I expected Locke to announce that it was built like a Tardis, bigger on the inside due to its being dimensionally transcendental. Because of her accent, I also kept expecting Madame Nutso to spew out Michelle from the Resistance’s line from “'Allo 'Allo.” As in, “listen carefully, I shall say this only once.” Wahnce. In the varied backstories we learned that Jack is no longer married. He was in seat 23b. His new friend was in seat 42f, in the back of the plane. Both are in The Numbers, if anyone’s counting. Sawyer’s real name might be James Ford. Like many on the flight, someone else gave him the ticket. The Marshall chased Kate for three years. She ended up calling to try discuss “mitigating circumstances” and he ended up telling her the toy plane was in the safety deposit box. The teacher’s last name is spelled Arzt and for some incomprehensible reason he prefers that to Leslie. He had the best line of the show, being: “If you want to keep a secret, don’t tell the fat guy.” Most astute line was Sawyer’s “Kids are like dogs. Knock ‘em around enough and they’ll think they did something to deserve it.” Sawyer spilled his secret and told Jack about the conversation with his father which made us all go “awww.” As did Jin and Sun’s reunion and Walt giving Vincent to Shannon. But poor Boone, replaced by a dog. So the Black Rock is a pirate ship. Can we expect to see Captain Jack Sparrow prance out on deck? For a minute I thought spring fever had hit Locke but he was just noticing Danielle has the same scratches as Ethan. Arzt’s wimpiness seemed to aggravate Lostzilla into action but Locke isn’t scared of no monsters and stayed his ground despite Hurley’s “Dude, we gotta book!” Kate asked what this security system is protecting, but didn’t think to ask the next question: what on the island is worth protecting? Strange that no one has noticed that Rose seems to have gone missing. It’s taken an entire month for Charlie to think of the old message in a bottle trick? And I know I’m not the only one who couldn’t believe that he, a musician, wasn’t at least humming the old Police song as he was collecting notes. Next up: Danielle steals Turniphead, someone or something drags Locke off into the jungle and a two hour finale probably doesn’t answer any of our questions.