That joke isn't funny anymore

You Should Be a Joke Writer

You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation.Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life...You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material.You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.

What type of writer should you be?

24: 7-8 p.m.

24. 5.13. Two requests. First, for the love of all that is good and holy, can they stop using the phrase “with all due respect”? Second, can they please stop killing off beloved main characters? Why should I care if a bunch of unknown actors on television are gassed? As for the hour, a Chemical Response Team possibly from Homeland Security is on its way but they’ve taken the scenic route and won’t reach CTU before some corrosive agent in the gas breaks down the seals in the safe zones. The gas masks are in a contaminated area. Way to go. Jack needs schematics but Chloe’s in shock and Kim’s Creepy Boyfriend’s psychobabble about breathing isn’t helping her. It may not have been deliberate on Jack’s part, but his confrontation with Creepy Boyfriend snapped Chloe out of it. Confrontation makes her uncomfortable. They need to flush the gas out of the building with the air conditioning but the controls are blocked by some program on a computer in the contaminated area. Jack is sure he can hold his breath long enough to reach it. I’ve been waiting half the day for his hood to come in handy for something.

Clearly Kiefer spent some of his childhood watching Red Green, for he knows the value of duct tape. But there’s a grate in his way, part of a security upgrade that someone didn’t file properly. Starting to think the CTU staff is a bunch of incompetent morons here. Lucky for the gang, Sam can reach the computer from where he is. And he has the guilty conscience to sacrifice his life. Pity he has to take some other CTU loser with him. Kim apologizes to Chloe who admits she sent Jack information about her life. That’s the final straw for Kim. Her father knew what bad shape she was in and didn’t help her. Worse, Henderson’s still not talking and appears to have slipped into a coma. Tony’s about to jab him with something lethal. Jack races there but not before Henderson wakes and jabs Tony instead. Since Michelle’s gone, Tony hasn’t the will to try live. Bummer.

Meanwhile, if anyone still cares, the Vice President is using Logan to promote his own agenda. Some hot babe named Collette (who really should have been Mandy) is providing Brit Hostile with plans for a new target, while she’s not furthering her own agenda with Desmond from Lost. Beware the Numbers! And Mrs Homeland Security inexplicably wants to take Buchanan’s place. All the best lines came from Chloe. Kim’s proximity seemed to bring out the snarkiness of her. “What’s with you and the breathing? Is that your solution to everything?” “It could be a good thing or it could be a bad thing. That’s what I don’t know means.” And something like: “I don’t judge information, I just pass it on.” Next: Lookout Curtis! You could be the next one caught in 24’s Killing Machine!

The bees behind my eyes

The things you learn while reading Discover magazine. One was that an experiment done by Adrian Dyer from the University of Cambridge in England determined that honeybees can recognize human faces. I had an image of a police line-up and the bee tapping on the two-way mirror glass to point out the criminal. But the experiment used head shots of various people. One photograph would have a drop of a sugary liquid next to it while the others had bitter liquids. Two days later, with eighty percent accuracy, the bees could identify the photograph that originally had the sugar reward. I’ve never had much problem so far in my life with bees, other than once being stung by a wasp and once stepping on a bee but my oldest sister always seemed to draw their attentions. She was convinced they had it out for her. She may have been right.

He's Johnny Cash

Movie: Walk the Line. Why this film was snubbed as a nominee for Oscar’s Best Picture is a mystery to me. Ditto for The Constant Gardener. But that’s another story. I was glad to see Reese Witherspoon win the award for Best Actress. And I think in a year without Capote, Phoenix would have won Best Actor. While this biopic sheds light on Cash’s life, it perhaps does an even better job of showing us June Carter’s personality. She seemed remarkably intuitive and intelligent, possessing a quick wit and a generous, caring spirit. And, having been in the music business her entire life, she understood more about a musician’s temperament and need to express; something Cash’ first wife was clueless about. I liked the DVD’s appearance of a vinyl record, but the extra features were practically nonexistent. I guess there is a collector’s edition that is bound to have more. Best line, the brother’s “You can’t help anybody if you can’t tell them the right story.” But I also found June’s “Got a hitch in your giddy-up?” line extremely amusing, even if I’m not sure of it’s exact meaning.

Death by Jello

Movie: The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio. I’m not sure how anyone can retain such cheerfulness and optimism with an alcoholic, emotionally abusive husband and ten children to take care of on next to no money and without Prozac. I wasn’t alive in the 1950s and only remember a few years in the late 1960s, but housewives also didn’t have the conveniences of microwaves, disposable diapers, dishwashers. Either the fact that this was based on a memoir written by one of the children remembering things better than they were (the house is spotless, the meals are on time, the children are perfectly behaved) or Evelyn Ryan truly was a saint. It’s interesting to note how male opinion of women in the work force has changed. The husband in this film was horribly threatened by his wife’s entering silly contests. Today, men seem to expect women to contribute half, and in some cases all, the family earnings. And, of course, nowadays women don’t have to stay in a bad relationship if they don’t want to. I also found it interesting how the women in the jingle writing club were supportive of each other, emotionally and professionally. From Defiance to Mean Girls in several short decades.

24: 6-7 p.m.

24. 5.12. The opening credits included an actor named James Morrison. I half expected whoever this was to burst into “Hello, I Love You” whenever he appeared. The Hostile with Sam’s key card magically changes the photo id. How he knew this technology would be needed today is more mysterious that Jim Morrison’s death. Apparently while Jack was “dead” Kim met with the Hendersons because Chase left her. Now she’s continuing with her horrible taste in men trend and taken up with some clinical psychologist named Barry who’s a lot more hostile to Jack than some of the Hostiles we’ve met thus far. Despite his insisting he was protecting her, Kim’s not into forgiving Jack just yet. In fact, she tries to wound him to the core with the line, “There’s something wrong with people like you.” Ouch. Later Chloe suggests Kim stop the flack and cut Jack some slack.

I think it was the Vice President who suggests Logan dispense with the time wasting Congressional formalities and instill Marshall Law, under the guise of some more innocuous term. Mike knows they’ll have to inform the public and panic will set in. Besides, the Law wasn’t set up as a preemptive measure. They don’t listen so he convinces Martha to talk some sense into her weenie hubby. Henderson isn’t responding to CTU’s torture methods, probably because he truly thinks he’s doing the best thing for the country. Carrie notices a problem with the ventilation system. Since Edgar doesn’t have time to check it out, she does. She sees a Canister of Doom but is stabbed to death before she can notify anyone. Bill informs Sam about his sister’s demise so he has to mention his missing key card. Chloe checks the gate logs and discovers CTU has yet again been compromised and must be evacuated. Jack kills the Hostile in Sublevel B but the nerve gas is seeping in. The main cast seals themselves off in the conference room but Edgar’s put on a little too much weight and is too slow. His last word before expiring, a heart-rending “Chloe?” RIP, big guy. Best line: “You don’t wanna know what I know.” Next week: the gang sends Tony for Chinese take-out .

24: 5-6 p.m.

24. 5.11. First of a two hour night. Tony’s awake and asking about Michelle’s condition. When he can’t get a straight answer, he sneaks out of his hospital bed, checks the computer and sees she’s deceased. Martha blabs to Aaron that Logan not only knew about the motorcade threat and didn’t warn them, he gave the terrorists the route. Later Mike sees Martha and Aaron holding hands. Chloe hacks into Henderson’s work computer but he erased the hard drive. Only Chloe would notice an open socket exchanging data with an offsite link which turns out to be Henderson’s home. One of the terrorists who failed to blow up the motorcade carelessly carried a schematic of a ventilation system that matches Tyler Memorial Hospital which must be evacuated, except for seven newborns who can’t be moved. Bill allows Sam to call his sister and beg for some lembas bread, or his key card. No dice. At Henderson’s house, only his wife Miriam is home. Jack sees Henderson’s been downloading music and should inform the RIAA. They’d be there ready to lynch him in seconds. Chloe finds a shadow drive on the computer but can’t crack the password. Henderson returns home with a briefcase full of cash. He dares Jack to shoot him in the thigh, but Jack surprises us all by blasting Miriam. Henderson doesn’t mind. He still won’t talk. Jack brings him to CTU where they’ve discovered the Brit currently in control is named Vladimir Bierko and probably not from Manchester. They also spy a confirmed hostile, Viktor, dressed as an orderly on the hospital security cameras. Curtis offs him but the canister is beeping. In a move that made me laugh, Curtis hustles the canister to a containment unit before it spews the gas. Some Hostile ties up Jenny and her boyfriend, shoots them and takes the key card.

One's not half two

Movie: Love, Ludlow. I wanted to be sure to mention this because, although a very small movie, I found it charming. Based on the play Finger Painting in a Murphy Bed. The abrasive Jersey-gal Myra has been taking care of her bipolar/artistic brother Ludlow since their mother died. When Reggie from work takes an interest in her, Ludlow tries to destroy the relationship. All three actors made you feel sympathetic towards their rather socially inept characters. Nicely done, especially by Alicia Goranson whose Myra could easily have been annoying but was quirky and ultimately endearing. And there’s a hope-filled ending.

Lost: Maternity Leave

2.15. Aaron has a fever and Danielle once again appears from out of nowhere to spook Claire into thinking he’s infected with the sickness her team had, if they had it at all and Danielle didn’t just imagine it in her insanity. Deciding she must unblock her missing memories, Claire has Libby hypnotize her. She remembers being in a hospital room where a doctor injected medicine into her unborn baby. Turns out the doctor was Ethan. Down the hall, a baby room was set up, complete with a mobile that played “Catch a Falling Star,” a song that should have been familiar to Claire, had she not been loopy on meds. Ethan was interrupted by a cleaned up Zeke who said something cryptic about needing to make a list before bringing Claire in and how their superior isn’t going to be happy. Despite having a cabinet of medicine, Ethan says there isn’t enough vaccine for Claire and the baby. Once she delivers, she can return to the camp. She believed him, but another girl there knew she’d be killed and helped her escape.

Thelma and Louise (Kate and Danielle) help Claire find this medical 3rd hatch, which by now has also been abandoned. Looking inside some lockers, Kate finds costumes the Others have been wearing. But will she tell anyone? There’s no vaccine, so the gals leave. On the way home, Claire remembers Danielle found her after her escape. So she wouldn’t return to Ethan, Danielle knocked her out and carried her back to the Lostaways. Claire figures the Other girl who helped her was the long lost Alex.

Meanwhile, in hopes of sharing some literary analysis, Locke gives Henry a Dostoyevsky novel to pass the time though Henry would prefer a less dense Stephen King. Somehow Locke knows Hemingway was jealous of Dostoyevsky and Henry knows Locke is jealous of Jack. Eko takes a break from chopping down trees to spill his guts to Henry about the two Others he killed, making us believe he believes Henry is an Other, though so far no one has any proof. Sawyer’s found some new glasses. Ethan insisted the Others are good people but we’ve only seen evidence to the contrary. Next: the Lostaways go in search of the balloon and Sun might be in the Pudding Club.

24: 4-5 p.m.

24. 10. Just personal preference, but I don’t care for Audrey’s square glasses. Once upon a time Jack was recruited to CTU by this Henderson dude mentioned last week/hour. Henderson was accused of selling classified intelligence, but there wasn’t enough evidence to convict him. Possibly there wasn’t enough intelligence, classified or otherwise, at CTU either. Jack sneaks into Omicrom or whatever the business is called and isn’t the least bit suspicious when Henderson tasers him and insists the leads are wrong and he’s merely an easy target. He can prove it if Jack follows him into one of the bunkers. Clearly Jack hasn’t eaten since breakfast and is becoming hypoglycemic. Henderson shows him files of the scientists who worked on the gas project who all mysteriously died. Jack tries to send the files to CTU but the phones have gone wonky. Henderson sneaks out of the bunker, leaving Jack there with a bomb placed in something resembling a scanner. He takes cover before it explodes & lives to fight another hour.

Back at CTU, Sam misses the peace and tranquility of the Shire. He fires Carrie for no reason and demands to know where Chloe is. I was so wishing Edgar had said, “She went to the bathroom,” just to see if Sam would check the ladies room. NSA has picked up chatter which, when analyzed, contains numbers sequences (morphing into Lost, are we?) and mentions the “downtown corridor.” Chloe figures out the Russian president’s motorcade is being targeted and informs Sam who thinks it’s an unsubstantiated theory and dismisses her. Secretly, Edgar places a blanket over Chloe’s subnet, hacks into NSA’s account and sends them a notice. Audrey asks Curtis to invoke a Section 112 on Sam since The One Ring has made him mentally unfit to rule. CTU informs Logan, who pretends ignorance of the threat. The motorcade starts to turn around whereupon the Hostiles, complete with flamethrower, attack. Aaron easily picks them off so Martha and the Russians are safe. British Hostile is none too happy. He suspects Logan tipped off CTU and plans to retaliate. Best line: Henderson’s “Buchanan? What a stiff!” Next up: I don’t know but I guarantee someone will utter the phrase: “With all due respect.”

see! 

Man or mango?

Movie: The Book of Love. All I can say is any woman who would cheat on Simon Baker is insane. No, wait, that's not all, after all. Baker's character was a kind, decent, innocent chap whose worst fault seemed to be a habit of correcting other people's grammar. At the end of the movie, everyone else seems happy or content with their lives, while he remains devastated. What kind of message is this?

Music notes

Wanted to mention some bands I like and think are worth checking out. The Guggenheim Grotto was featured on Morning Becomes Eclectic back in January. As was KT Tunstall. I was happy to receive Swede Jose Gonzalez's CD Veneer for Christmas. He features three songs with a heavily Argentinian guitar feel to them on his page at myspace. A new Icelandic band named Myst placed one song titled "Here For You" on their page. They used to have an English page at myspace with four songs, but it's not presently working. I hope the band still is. Also from Icleand, I got a kick out of seeing Brúðarbandið's video to their song "Sid" over at Kvikmynd. It's also featured in audio and video format at their own home page.

24: 3-4 p.m.

24. 5.9. Suddenly twenty four seems like a lot of hours. Earwig’s supervisor has a British accent and has gone to great personal expense to acquire these canisters and is none too impressed with Earwig’s wasting some of the gas. Here’s a knife in Earwig’s gut for all his hard work. He probably wasn’t on the insurance plan, either. Nathanson hears he’s next and tries to run. Wanting his key card back, Sam calls his sister, but her boyfriend’s trying so hard to think of what he can do with it, I could nearly see the unlit light bulb hovering over his head. Somehow Nathanson knows Audrey’s number at CTU even though she doesn’t even work there. But he doesn’t know Jack’s number. Audrey patches him through. Nathanson offers to help Jack find the nerve gas and hints that Walt was not the only one working inside the government. To avoid being brought back to CTU, Jack blindsides Curtis. To avoid Sam’s wrath, Audrey asks Chloe to delete the record of Jack’s call. Chloe’s skills don’t extend to erasing just one call. She has to erase Audrey’s entire phone log, incurring Sam’s suspicion. Bill, who I’m certain was wearing lipstick, blames it on a system glitch.

British Hostile calls Walt’s phone which the Secret Service has probably felt like dorks guarding. Since the U.S. has made it impossible for him to transport the gas to Russia, he will strike at Russia on U.S. soil. He demands Suvorov’s motorcade route. Logan knows what a bad shot those Hostiles have been in the past and figures they’ll never be able to hit a limousine. Jack can’t reach Nathanson before a chopper full of Hostiles does. Before leaving this mortal rooftop, he directs Jack to a chip in his pocket. While keeping beneath Hobbit Radar, Chloe tries to data mine the chip’s files. For some reason she needs Audrey’s DOD code. Bill tries to divert Sam from Audrey’s station, but Sam hears a suspicious bleep and places Bill in custody. From now on, all stations will be mirrored through his office. Chloe gives Jack some info about a company possibly named Omicom whose Senior Vice President of Research and Development, a Christopher Henderson, Jack knows. After learning about the terrorist’s plans, Martha decides to accompany the Suvorov’s to the airport. Best line: “CTU has become way too porous.”

Til Hamingju Ísland

And the results are in. Silvía Nótt will represent Iceland at the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest. She won the final competition with a massive 70% of the votes. In a country of give or take 300,000 inhabitants, almost 120,000 votes were recorded. Which goes to show how seriously Eurovision is taken. Unless there’s not much else worthy of attention these dark winter days. Silvía is actually actress Ágústa Eva Erlendsdóttir who will play the part of Eva Lind in the upcoming movie Jar City. She’s also playing a role in this song which could either prove hilarious or embarrassing. It appears most of Iceland thinks she’s hilarious. Here’s the song's video. And here’s a translation of the crazy lyrics:

Til Hamingju Ísland - Silvía Nótt

Hey you! Really cool! I wanna talk with you.

I'm Silvia Night shining in the light.

I know you're longing for me.

I'm born in Reykjavik, talentful, no village freak.

I know I'm gonna win the f’ing final.

All the other songs have lost.

Congratulations Iceland, that I was born here.

I'm Silvía Nótt, and you support me.

Eurovision Nation will have a fit when I come along.

I'm born to win this, walk over it.
Cool, cool, cool.
Nice song, really cool, nothing 90s disgust.

It's cool, okay, it isn't gay, I'm here to stay.

The other bitches have spots, but I'm a virgin.

You love me. You worship me. But again it sucks.

Ricky, Karl, Steve

"I've seen him blossom from an idiot to an imbecile"

On the latest Ricky Gervais podcast, he urges listeners to write in their blogs about one of his cohorts, Karl Pilkington (aka Dilkington to the British Post) who he is trying to turn into a global phenomenon. So, I’m doing my part here. Karl’s a radio producer who was born in Manchester, apparently near a chemical plant, which explains a few things about his mental capabilities. He possesses a perfectly round bald head which would be ideal for placing advertising on. He has a girlfriend named Suzanne who must be the most patient woman ever born. He believes dinosaurs should be brought back because there are too many people on the planet due to less natural selection. And he’s a very good sport to put up with the ribs, insults and “You’re an idiot! You’re an idiot!” comments from Gervais and Steve Merchant. Give the podcasts a listen, as well as the archived old radio show to learn more and laugh. Some quotes Wikipedia attributes to Mr Pilkington include:

• There hasn't been one publication by a monkey.
• Don't chuck stuff about because you'll break it.
• People who live in glass houses have to answer the door.
• Were those presents the three kings brought Jesus for Christmas or his birthday?
• Even caveman had little pants on when you see footage of them.
• One day, you'll be able to wake up and eat a yoghurt you can have a chat with.
• If you saw an old fella eating a Twix, you would think, 'that’s a bit weird innit?'
• Knowledge is almost annoying.

Lost: One of them

Lost. 2.14. Okay, who’s in charge of the wigs on this show? I wouldn’t have thought it possible Sayid could look geeky. So we learned he was arrested for shredding what probably weren’t love notes to Nadia. While in captivity, the US soldiers asked him to translate for them. The head of chemical warfare, who coincidentally used nerve gas on a village where Sayid had relatives, also knows where a US helicopter pilot is. It doesn’t take much coercion to make Sayid torture his compatriot for the information. Turns out one of the US soldiers not only knew Arabic after all and merely used Sayid to perform the torture so he wouldn’t have to, but he’s also Kate’s father. The backstory interconnections thicken.

Back on the island, Ana Lucia sees Danielle creeping around and notifies Sayid. She’s trapped an Other who says his name is Henry Gale. He insists he isn’t a witch at all and hails from Minnesota, not Kansas, but the balloon flight is far too Wizard of Ozish to be credible. When Henry tries to make a run for it, Danielle shoots an arrow in his shoulder. Sayid takes Henry to Locke. Henry’s sticking with the balloon crash story. He and his wife lived in a cave on the beach until three weeks ago when she got sick and died. Since they need to find out the truth, Sayid asks Locke to change the armory’s combination. Bypassing Jack, Sayid locks himself in with Henry and interrogates him. Or takes out his frustration on him over Shannon being killed because Ana thought she was an Other. If Locke doesn’t open the door for Jack, the button won’t get pushed. And here once again Jack seems extremely egotistical, risking everyone’s lives for his own agenda. The countdown reaches zero, some glyphs appear in place of the 108 and a strange noise that might have been the blast doors about to drop shakes the hatch. Locke presses a command that isn’t The Numbers and all is righted. Hmm.

Meanwhile, Sawyer’s not very popular anymore, especially with a certain noisy tree frog. When he discovers Harley/Rerun pigging out on the Dharma ranch dressing, peanut butter and other goodies, he enlists him to help find the little critter. Or threatens to tell the Lostaways of Hurley’s Ranch Disorder over the island’s Coconut Internet. Hurley tries not to be offended. He may be fat and like to eat, but the Lostaways like him. Dude, for the sake of the frog, I’m thinking you shouldn’t have hurt Sawyer’s feelings. One less croak to wake him. Best line: Sawyer’s “If this were a scary movie, I’d be with a hot chick.” Next: What’s behind the door of Hatch #3?

24: 2-3 p.m.

24. 5.8. There’s increased chatter related to the canisters. Jack decides he can pose as Rossler and deliver the chip. Evelyn interrupts Martha’s disgruntled blogging with questions about Walt. We didn’t know she cared so much. Chloe talks Jack through reconfiguring the trigger but The Hostiles kidnap him and plan to take him to Earwig who’s bound to recognize him from the airport. Jack’s certain he can handle it. Mike convinces Logan not to tell the public the truth about Walt. The cover up doesn’t sit well with Martha. It’s the president’s job to tell the truth, or she will. Logan gives her the task of telling Walt’s wife, then. I suspect the First Couple will soon be featured in Reader’s Digest’s next edition of “Can this marriage be saved?” We think not. The Hostiles plan to test a canister at the Sunrise Hills Mall to see if the reconfiguring worked. Hobbit Sam thinks it’s best to accept the damage from one in order to find the other nineteen. Audrey wishes they could arrest and interrogate/torture the information out of them. When it’s time to unlock the trigger, Jack gives them the wrong code. Since it doesn’t work, the Hostiles live up to their name, punch him into unconsciousness and chain him to a table leg. Then they call Earwig.

Someone named Andre has an alternative way to release the gas. Jack comes to as the ventilation system starts spreading it. Seemingly with nothing but his very powerful legs, he trips one Hostile and crushes him to death. He grabs a gun and mask and the keys from the fallen guard and stops the rest of the gas from escaping. But not before it’s infiltrated the food court. Shoppers start dropping. Jack does not have a visual on the Hostile but Chloe remembers the tracking device in the trigger he’s carrying. In a break from the action, Martha hasn’t got the guts to tell Suzanne Cummings the truth about the traitorous Walt. Back to the action. When the Hostile is told he’s being followed, he shoots himself. Earwig and the canisters are gone. Most appropriate quote: “We’ve got nothing here.”

Prove it

Movie: Proof. I’m willing to pitch in and hire Gwyneth Paltrow a voice coach so she can learn to stop speaking through her nose. Of course, an acting coach might be needed too. Since she’s won an Academy Award, it could just be me, but I wish she would learn some emotions besides whiney and annoyed. Her character in this film seems bored, and therefore I found her boring. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in school and around mathematicians, but it’s my understanding that they’re passionate about their work to the point of fanatical. That they feel compelled to do math, either in their head or on paper. This film’s character seems totally ambivalent about the talent she possesses and is only spurred to action by her father pushing her. In fact, the math books lining her bookshelves she says are only for show. She really reads Cosmo. Perhaps that was her attempt at a joke. I was also unimpressed with the lack of mathematics in the movie. The one interesting thing mentioned is that there have been so few women mathematicians throughout history. It isn’t because women are incapable of such thought, so what happens to all the math-minded females of the world? I suspect they end up working in a library.

Go lightly from the ledge, babe

Movie: Just Like Heaven. Adapted from the French novel If Only It Were True. Starring the always cute Reese Witherspoon as an overachieving doctor who’s not quite dead and Mark Ruffalo as the depressed, gruff big lug who’s had his heart broken and needs to help her to help himself. Recipe for a winning romantic comedy. Add a sister played by the director’s wife, Dina Waters, who was remarkably funny (“Who put SpongeBob in the lasagna?”) in addition to poignant and reminded me a lot of Cindy Williams (aka Shirley from Laverne and.) Jon Heder as the somber yet hysterical new age bookstore guru was wonderful or “righteous” as well. I appreciated hearing The Cure’s version of the title song at the end, but not the Katie Melua cover version at the beginning. Can’t we make a law forbidding anyone to cover any song, like ever? I heard a countrified version of Bob Dylan’s “It Ain’t Me Babe” the other day and nearly had a brain aneurism.

Lost : The Long Con

Lost: 2.13. Right off the bat, Locke answered one of my questions. He kept the statues for future therapeutic value. Jack thinks it’s irresponsible only one of them has the combination to the gun room, so Locke shares the info. Charlie’s been relocated to the suburbs and has lost his mentor. “That’s like getting Gandhi to beat his kids.” Sawyer’s not so amused when Jack takes his painkillers. That’s one less Christmas card he’ll have to send this year. In his backstory, he tries his usual con game with Jo from Facts of Life, or a divorcee named Cassidy with a 1974 shag haircut. But she’s not that dumb. Nor does she have any money for him to swindle. She does, though, want to learn the art of the con, so Sawyer teaches her. As the episode plays out, he falls for Cassidy but with pressure from his partner Gordy, goes through with the long con against her anyway. Everybody say hi to Kate’s mom, seen waitressing at the restaurant.

Kate’s miffed that Jack and Ana Lucia didn’t ask her to join their little army. Sayid has never heard of Harry Nilsson and probably thinks Hurley’s whacko telling him to “put the lime in the coconut and drink ‘em both up.” Hurley doesn’t now the difference between Norway and Nigeria, but he does know Bernard is a dentist. More importantly, he passes along the shortwave radio. Sayid’s still mourning and isn’t interested in any glorified walkie talkie but his nature gets the better of him and he’s able to “switch the blue wire with the red wire and make it stronger.” While gardening, Sun is dragged off. Sawyer and Kate hear her scream and find her. But something doesn’t make sense to Sawyer. Sun (aka Tokyo Rose) is too weak to have escaped from The Others and the hood they used is a different weave than the one used on Kate who figures Ana and Jack are trying to scare the others into joining their little army. It works. The Lostaways demand the guns.

Locke’s putting the Dewey Decimal System to good use while Sawyer gives him the heads up. Locke decides to move the guns while Sawyer pushes the button. Major twist: there’s a new sheriff in town. Sawyer’s got the guns and he’s done taking orders. Get used to it. I understood his point that the Lostaways took his things while he was off trying to rescue him, but am baffled as to why he wants to be in charge of these lunatics. Kate believes he wants everyone to hate him. But it’s just his nature to con people. Sayid interrupts Hurley’s reading a mystery manuscript and they listen to “Moonlight Serenade” on the radio. Sawyer offers the heroin statue to Charlie, but he doesn’t want it. He only helped Sawyer to make Locke look like a fool. Looks like Locke has a nemesis. Best quote: “I’m this close to the high score of Donkey Kong.” Next: a stranger is captured and the countdown reaches zero.

24: 1-2 p.m.

24. 5.7. Jack needs to be debriefed and only me at home raised my hand to volunteer for the job. Nathanson/Blofeld, formerly with the CIA, now working on his own initiative, seems to have taken a break from his big screen TV viewing and popped out for lunch. Or he’s on to the fact that they’re on to him and he’s disconnected his line. The terrorists are also working on their own. Since the ports are closed, the gas can’t be used against Russia. Ivan (last name either Erwich or Earwig) isn’t particular. The US will do. But the micro circuitry on the remotes have invalid codes and need to be reconfigured. Jacob Rossler begins providing the specifications but CTU finds his penthouse and wings him. With a little pressure from Curtis, Jack makes Rossler say he planned to deliver the chip (but no dip.) He still will, complete with a tracking transponder, but only if CTU provides him with what he wants, including jailbait Inessa from Kiev. Sam orders Jack to accept the deal. Jack promises to save Inessa from Rossler’s clutches, but she must have heard of his track record. She starts shooting, killing Rossler who they need to answer Ivan’s next call. Oops.

Meanwhile, in the subplot, Hobbit Sam’s junkie sister Jenny calls, begging for $500. Sam meets her outside whereupon her boyfriend beats him up and steals everything in his wallet. Martha slaps Logan (as we’d all like to) for not listening to her, then sets about writing a speech for him. Audrey can’t track down Kim. Chloe has Spenser reinstated, then un-reinstated. Do not mess with Chloe. Walt wimps out and hangs himself in the West Hallway. Best line: Jack’s “Trust me, you don’t want to go down this road with me.” Next week: The Mallrats discover a sale at The Gap and it’s a gas gas gas!

The Substitute People

Movie: Elizabethtown. I remember when this was released, the reviews were unkind, so I was prepared to dislike it or at best, find it painful to watch and severely flawed. Instead, I really liked it. For the first half hour, Orlando Bloom’s efforts at an American accent are distracting, but I got used to his inherent Britishness seeping through. The most confusing character was Susan Sarandon’s. Her husband’s death happened a few days previously, yet she’s hyperactively made good use of that time (perhaps she didn’t sleep), and none of it spent grieving. I also didn’t understand the significance of mentioning the blue suit several times for what turned out to be no reason. I don’t know if the film editor was in awe of or afraid of Cameron Crowe or what. Otherwise, there’s a sense of realness about the movie. Which means it succeeds in sweeping up the viewer in the lives and emotions of its characters. Kirsten Dunst is quirky and spunky and charming, even if I sometimes wondered about her sanity. I greatly appreciated the messages she shares with Bloom. That work failures mean so little compared to what’s truly important in life. And her theories of “substitute people” which I related to. Add an excellent soundtrack which tied in with the themes perfectly. I should be so lucky to have a band play “Freebird” at my funeral. I recommend this movie, especially to my niece Shannen, an Orlando fan.

Síðasti Bærinn

The Last Farm, directed by Icelandic filmmaker Rúnar Rúnarsson just received an Oscar nomination in the short film category. Filmed in Dýrafjördur in North Western Iceland, it's a story about a man who lives on the last surviving farm in a remote valley. He and his wife come under great pressure give up their dream and to move to the city. Desperation leads him to find a way to keep it all, but at a price. Thus ensues a final struggle between modern and traditional ways which “ends with a dramatic, tragic but genuine victory.” The film has already won at least a dozen awards around the world. Musical score provided by Sigur Rós's Kjartan Sveinsson, a sampling of which you can download at their site. Good news: the film already has three offers from companies regarding distribution rights in the US.

24: 12-1 p.m.

24. 5.6. Congratulations to Kiefer Sutherland on the SAG award. I’m sure he’d like to thank Marwan, without whom Day 4 would not have been possible. As for Day 5, they haven’t got time to build a case so Jack text messages Mike to call him on a secure line that Blofeld easily tapes. Since the jig is about to be up, Walt confesses to Logan that he leaked information on the gas so the terrorists could take it. But it’s no threat because as soon as they reach their base, Viggo Mortenson’s older brother Shaffer, who’s reprogrammed the detonators, will blow up the canisters by satellite. All this will prove there are weapons of mass destruction in Central Asia. Using phrases like “limited collateral damage” for murdered hostages and “unfortunate but necessary intervention” for a murdered Palmer sound traitorous to Logan, but he’s scared of being implicated. Suddenly Jack’s channeling Radar from MASH and hears the choppers arriving long before they make a sound. He’s taken to Class 3 Detention, held in study hall, but finds a cahooter in Aaron who brings him to Logan. Before Walt can call for help, Jack pounds him and threatens to cut out his eyes, to start with, if Walt doesn’t spill all. Copy that. The canisters are in a container of medical supplies scheduled to leave Long Beach at 2:30. CTU sends a retrieval team but finds no canisters, only the dead Shaffer. Though dead, he manages to call. Or Ivan, a chemical engineer and member of the separatist movement who’s stolen his cell phone, calls. He knows Walt altered the codes. Ivan doesn’t negotiate with his enemies. He eliminates them. Meanwhile, Martha is found in the stables. Why she didn’t leap on a horse and gallop away, I’ll never know. Logan stops her transfer to the dreaded Vermont but she wants no more of his weasely kisses. Good for her because it was making me sick. I suspect Grunge Boy has a crush on Jack. I also suspect we haven’t seen the last of him and Diane, even though they left CTU. Best threat: Jack’s “I’m done talking to you, you understand me?” Next: someone else is in the penthouse. Could it be Zorro?

Not so simple

Movie: The Plain Truth. This was disturbing in so many ways and, being a Lifetime movie, I doubt in ways it was meant to be. First, none of the Amish had accents. One of the male actors tried towards the beginning, but it sounded more Irish (which, if it hadn’t been so irritating, would have been funny) but after a couple scenes, he seemed to give up even trying an accent. Secondly, while I don’t know any Amish personally, it’s my understanding that they are not at all narrow-minded and do allow their children to choose whether they want to stay in the community or leave and live in the outside world. Disowning them for attending college can’t possibly be common practice. This made the Amish father seem psychotic. Then, the daughter apparently sees and talks with the ghost of her dead sister? This subplot was never developed, but it made her seem psychotic too. Then, everyone who knows her insists she wouldn’t lie, but as the movie unfolds, you find practically every word she’s said is a lie. Also, it’s made an important point in court that Amish don’t commit murder. Ever. I don’t know if it’s true that no Amish person ever has killed anyone, but hitting the viewer and jury over the head with this point and then having one of them turn out to be a baby killer couldn’t be more disturbing. It would have been better if this character had said, the baby was already dead due to the infection the coroner later found and she just disposed of it. Instead, the movie completely contradicted itself. That’ll teach me to watch anything Lifetime has to offer.

Country Mouse, City Mouse

Movie: Junebug. I’m not sure I came away with the understanding it wanted me to, having been raised in the country myself and preferring its simplicity to the hectic, often shallow, hedonistic, and mercenary lifestyle of metropolitan areas. So, with my background, I couldn’t tell if the country family was supposed to be seen as backwards or not. To me, they seemed like much better people, caring about their family and faith, than the city girl who visits, who only cares about her job and making money. I was hoping seeing her husband in that atmosphere, in a new way, was making her appreciate his true qualities, which she didn’t seem aware of at all. But then at the end, they’re so glad to be leaving the embarrassing hick family and going back to “real” civilization. So I guess they learned nothing. The best part of this movie was the amazing performance of Amy Adams as Ashley, the sister-in-law. When she first appears, you wonder if she’s slightly retarded or mental. Within a few minutes, her exuberance and charm win you over and you become as captivated with her as she is with life.

What's your major?

You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours! Linguistics 92% English 92% Dance 83% Philosophy 83% Journalism 75% Art 67% Engineering 58% Sociology 58% Theater 58% Psychology 50% Anthropology 50% Mathematics 42% Biology 25% Chemistry 8% What is your Perfect Major?

Lost: Fire + Water

Lost. 2.12. Were those bunny slippers Little Charlie was wearing? I used to have some cat slippers at about that age. Since Liam’s wife named her daughter after his mother, chances are Megan’s no longer living, would we say? Charlie’s pushing his brother (who somewhat resembles my pseudo husband, or perhaps I’ve gone totally batty) to get clean after the baby was born nicely parallels his trying to take responsibility for Aaron and staying off drugs to do so. Only trouble is, he can’t be honest, so Claire can’t allow it. Claire’s hair seems to have grown very fast these past few weeks. And is there a stash of mascara and lipstick in the hatch that she’s using?

The real question is, did Locke somehow drug Charlie to cause him to have those dreams/visions since it appears the one thing Charlie is telling the truth about, as far as we know, is that he’s not on drugs. Apart from losing his mind, everything’s peachy. Locke follows him to the heroin stash and packs up the Mary’s, believing Charlie feels like he has to save the baby since he can’t save himself. To take attention away from Aaron so he can steal him, Charlie sets a fire. Locke punches him and no one feels bad about it. So why does Locke save the statues in the hatch? For future medicinal or nefarious purposes? And why change the door’s combination? His punching Charlie seemed harsh, unless he meant it to be an example to the Lostaways not to step out of line. Nice authority complex, there.

Hurley/Jabba has a little love connection brewing over Libby but he’s waiting for his moment, which, with Sawyer’s big mouth, is now, Hos. While folding the laundry, Hurley thinks he recognizes Libby from more than stepping on her foot while boarding the plane. Could it be from his days in the mental hospital? And what are the odds that Libby is lying and isn’t a psychologist at all, but was once a patient? Interesting she noticed what viewers did last fall: the washer and dryer are newer than everything else in the hatch. Meanwhile Eko’s marking the trees he likes. Claire decides Charlie’s revelation that Aaron needs to be baptized isn’t so loony after all. Eko’s Biblical interpretation is a bit off again, so we’re guessing he’s a self-appointed priest, not a real one. Most astute line: Locke’s “Trust is a hard thing to win back.” Next: They’re not scared enough.

Íslensku tónlistarverðlaunin 2005

The Icelandic Music Awards were held yesterday and the winners are:

Pop record of the year:

Fisherman’s Woman - Emilíana Torrini

Rock record of the year:

Takk - Sigur Rós

Adult conntemporary record of the year:

Ást/...Í 6 skrefa fjarlægð frá paradís - Bubbi

Artist of the year:

Sigur Rós

Song & Lyrics of the year:

Pabbi þarf að vinna - Baggalútur

Female artist of the year:

Emilíana Torrini

Male artist of the year:

Bubbi

Video of the year:

Emilíana Torrini - Sunnyroad

Album cover of the year:

Sigur Rós - Takk

Best newcomer:

Benni Hemm Hemm

24: 11 a.m. - 12 p.m.

24. 5.5. Quite the slower pace than the first four hours. Yellow Tie Guy was picked up on surveillance cameras heading to hangar Double B so Curtis and his op team check out the dead rats there. Sure enough, there’s trace amounts of nerve gas in the rats’ systems. But who manufactured it? Logan and cronies hope to readmit Martha to the Loony Bin or Vermont. Walt has someone inside CTU and I suspected last week it was Spencer. Turns out it’s Spenser. With a last name like Wolf, they should’ve seen it coming. The McGill hobbit is cleverly usurping Buchanan’s authority. Edgar’s not happy with the way Chloe’s been speaking to him and the secrets she’s been keeping from him. Well, when everything returns to normal, they can have some chamomile tea and she’ll tell you all her secrets, okay? Diane gets a dig in at Audrey by saying she accepted Jack for who he was, implying Audrey didn’t. Ouch. Chloe doesn’t want to make a big drama out of it, but she needs to get into Spenser’s utilities volume. She observes the computer he was working on has a clearance level of 5 instead of 3 and bolts to Buchanan. How many times do we have to tell you: do not mess with Chloe. Spenser’s been tracking Jack and in his spare time let in Hank from outside support. And he has the nerve/stupidity to ask for a lawyer. This is CTU, man. He should consider himself lucky he hasn’t been tortured yet. Martha’s in the bathroom but when Logan checks the Ladies, she’s not there. Maybe he should have checked the men’s room. Tony’s conscious and wants to talk with Jack. In the monitor conveniently placed beside the bed, Jack sees assassin Hank ready to shoot him and uses the old scissors in the throat trick. Spenser admits White House aid Walt Cummings recruited him as part of an investigation to make sure CTU was operating within the rules. CTU may be, but Jack has no intention of it. Best exchange: Spenser and Chloe’s “No one talks to me like that.” “Really? I just did.”

Belgium, man, Belgium

Movie: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The good: Martin Freeman as Arthur and whoever did the voice of Marvin (did they even mention he was a “paranoid android”? I don’t remember hearing it.) The special effects were good, if a little downplayed. The Vogons were excellent, bumbling bureaucrats. “They can’t think. They can’t imagine. Most of them can’t spell. They just run things.” The not so good: The Guide was intended to be more of a full-fledged character. In this production, it’s only given little blurbs, and in large sections is missing for so long that I presumed it had gone out for a spot of tea. Many of the other major characters seemed severely miscast. I know we’re so used to the originals that any variation is going to seem odd, but there no way Ford was American. Mos Def’s mumbling didn’t help. He ended up fading into the background. My main gripe is Zaphod, who in my mind is a very hip and charming aged hippie. Not a Southern redneck or hillbilly, not childish and shallow, rude and annoying; not, as described in this movie, a “narcissistic moron.” And then there was Trillian who sounded a combination of bored and annoyed and subsequently was boring and annoying. Overall, the movie was a failure, I believe, due to poor casting and even worse directing. The sense of comedic timing was off. Too slow, too serious, and not comedic at all. Also, Adams wrote this less as a story and more of observations on the often absurd British way of life. So much of that was stripped out and replaced with a Hollywood love story. Funniest line: “I’m British, I know how to queue.”

Tending the weeds

Movie: The Constant Gardener. I watched this a few weeks ago and wanted to make sure I mentioned it because I thought it was extremely well done. So much so that, when it ended, my first thought was “somebody give that movie an award!” Last week at the Golden Globes, star Rachel Weisz won the award for best supporting actress. The upcoming Bafta awards nominations were announced last week and this film tops the list with ten. Based on a novel by John LeCarré, it’s a “socially conscious spy yarn” about a humanitarian cause worker who seeks to expose a pharmaceutical corporation’s exploitation of the poverty stricken and ill in Africa. Though portrayed on a global scale, the parallels to corporations in America wielding too much power struck home. I don’t think this is what our founding fathers had in mind when they set up a democracy for the people, by the people. These days we find our health care, our food and water, and pretty much our entire lives dictated by what will provide the most profits to whatever company we’re at the mercy of. The power and money they have has corrupted so many of them, that our best interests are their last consideration. Another point this movie made was how the scale of world poverty is so immense, it’s overwhelmed us into doing nothing. Instead of focusing on fixing everything at once, we just need to begin.

Lost : The Hunting Party

Lost. 2.11. Flashback: Some possibly Italian guy with a spinal tumor wants miracle worker Jack to perform surgery even though he’s not a candidate and Jack (ego not checked at the door) agrees. Italian daughter, Gabriella, distraught when the surgery fails, kisses Jack who actually goes home and confesses to his not pregnant wife Sarah who confesses she’s leaving him because she’s seeing someone else (named Desmond, perhaps?) So, was she lying about being pregnant? Who knows. Back on the island: Michael goes as wild and crazy as his hair, locks Locke and Jack in the munitions room (whose combination does not appear to be any of the Numbers) and goes searching for Walt so Jack, Locke and Sawyer have to hunt him down. It’s boy’s day out or something and Jack refuses to give in to Kate’s whines of not wanting to be left behind to play who’s got the button.

Locke is curious about Sawyer’s name but wonders more how Jack plans to convince Michael to return with them as “something tells me he might be past listening to reason.” At least 7 gunshots sound out and Jack runs towards them, as any one would. Anyone insane. Deliverance Other Zeke corners them for a talk. Walt’s fine but the island belongs to the Others and they’re only letting the Lostaways live on it. If they cross this line, he’ll shoot Kate who he’s conveniently kidnapped because she couldn’t mind Jack’s orders. The guys give in and trek home, with no one asking Kate if she found out any Other information. Or wondering what’s on the Other’s side of the island that they don’t want the Lostaways to see.

Meanwhile, Jin’s not thrilled with the cute hat Sun makes him wear, but she didn’t like him dictating her life back home all those years either. Charlie and Hurley wonder who the band Geronimo Jackson was. Mostly Hurley wonders if he has a chance with Libby. Claire continues to bond with Locke. Jack questions Ana Lucia about training an army. So many good lines. From Locke: “Who are we to tell anyone what they can or can’t do?” From Jack: “Why don’t you go back and see if I hurt her feelings?” And a bunch from Sawyer whose perpetual sarcasm could make the weather report funny: “Did you just throw a banana at me?” “Maybe they went out for ice cream.” “There’s my favourite leaf!” “All you need is an earring and a mop” (re: Locke looking like Mr Clean.) “I probably would have gone around Mt Vesuvius.” Next up: it’s not looking good for Baby Aaron.

24: 9-10 & 10-11 a.m.

24. 5.3. Jack climbs into the ceiling to avoid capture by and to spy on the Hostiles. He calls Buchanan and sends photos of Hostiles to CTU to identify. The Hostiles are sporting somewhat Russian accents and explosive vests controlled by scruffy Lead Hostile named something like Baresh who may be a grown up Berus from Season 4, graduated past shovels. He’s part of a faction called the Dawn Brigade who do not want the impending anti-terrorism alliance, but rather, national sovereignty. If the summit isn’t cancelled and the accord refuted, they’ll execute hostages like so. Yikes. Curtis (oh great, I have to worry again for the next five months that he won’t survive the day) and his CTU field ops are on the scene but they can’t seem to get themselves prepared to attack. Jack interrupts Chloe counting her violations. He needs the secondary detonations trigger frequency, whatever that is. Chloe turns to Spencer for his expertise bandwidth processing and can you blame her? The phone’s slow on the reboot, but Jack manages to blow up one Hostile and postpone Grunge Boy’s execution. Martha tracks down the phone records in the men’s bathroom, then the archive room where written transcripts are kept as backup. Walt clues in Head Honcho Blofeld and his big screen TV’s that Jack’s in the airport so Baresh jams his cell phone. If Jack doesn’t come out of hiding, they’ll shoot Grunge Boy. Well, if Blofeld keeps watching TV in the dark, he’s gonna have a whopper of a headache. Best line: Chloe’s sarcastic “Do you want me to figure out whose face that is or I could just go wait in holding?”

5.4. Logan is advised to continue the signing because if he gives in, the Hostiles will kill the hostages anyway. Good we can all trust each other. Enter into CTU hobbit/micromanager Lynn McGill who made me wonder if Peter Jackson really had to use much if any forced perspective on Lord of the Rings. McGill wants to see the playbook, so perhaps the football game is still on. Baresh has Jack call Curtis and tell the ops to storm the emergency door south of Gate 12. Jack throws in that he’s in a Flank 2 Position but Curtis is too slow on the uptake to catch his meaning. Walt threatens Martha’s handmaiden Padme/Evelyn. Jack hawks the Intel chip in his spare time. McGill’s not satisfied with Jack’s being out of touch for over twenty minutes and wants transcripts of the calls. Talk to Martha, Sam. Jack sees Baresh hand a hostage in a conspicuous yellow tie a key card. Then Baresh starts spouting some psychotic, surreal poetry about the black night being broken. Huh? McGill figures out that Flank 2 was the duress code (nothing like the dress code) when Jack was active so Curtis has the troops stand down. They buy time by claiming there’s a malfunction on the entry charges, giving Logan and his way too Naziish arm wave the chance to sign the treaty. Then half the place explodes. Jack shoots Baresh in the wrist before he can off himself, but he can’t stop him from blowing up the Hostiles. Yellow Tie Guy goes missing. He sneaks the key card to some pals who open and lift the lid off a big metal box containing canisters of nerve gas. Walt chloroforms Martha and steals the phone transcript she stole. Next up: Chloe and Edgar form a pairs ice skating team and prepare to compete in the Olympics.

24: 7-8 & 8-9 a.m.

24: 5.1. Jack goes undercover as a football quarterback… or the NFL’s poor scheduling pushes back the season premier 15 minutes. The bumpy ride has begun. President Palmer’s writing his memoirs and is feeling melancholic when a bullet crashes through the window and shoots him, in the neck, dead. What will Allstate do without him? Logan is still too short to be president, but so far he’s not as wimpy as Day 4. The Russians are coming (repeat for effect) to sign an arms agreement and he won’t postpone the visit. Chloe’s had some action with co-worker Spencer but doesn’t want the rest of CTU to know because she doesn’t “want everyone thinking I’m some kind of slut” though Spencer will easily spill the beans/brag within the hour. Jack learns of Palmer’s demise and is noticeably verklempt during breakfast with his hot new girlfriend Diane and her son, Grunge Boy. Before we can sing “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” Michelle’s car is blown up. She’s a goner too and Tony’s in critical condition with head trauma. Edgar thinks there’s a connection and gives Chloe the heads up before she unlocks her car. She gives the Bad Guys chasing her the old sliperoo and calls Jack. He suggests she meet him at an abandoned oil refinery. Logan’s wife Martha My Dear is off her meds and looking like a wedding cake, but she’s a few tiers short, we fear. She claims Palmer called her and wanted to meet to tell her something that concerned national security. Logan thinks she’s delusional. Suspicious Grunge Boy follows Jack who has to take him to LA where the Bad Guys find them. Chloe guns down Main Bad Guy who confesses that they’re trying to make it look like Jack killed Palmer but he really did it. He received his orders via closed circuit so he doesn’t know who’s in charge. Oops. Lights out for him. Best line: “I will have your family eating dog food out of a can.”

5.2. Security cameras in the building Palmer’s sniper fired from picked up Jack’s image. Bill Buchanan figures out Jack staged his death though Audrey doesn’t believe he’d murder his friends. Jack switches clothes with an FBI agent so he can sneak into the crime scene and somehow his flimsy disguise of that and sunglasses works. As he’s searching Palmer’s computer, brother Wayne finds him. Strangely, Wayne believes the evidence was fabricated and Jack wants to find Palmer’s real killer. In Palmer’s encrypted version of his memoirs, they discover a name and address belonging to a bagging supervisor at Ontario Airport which isn’t in Ontario at all, but rather LA. Back at CTU, Spencer can’t log in under Chloe’s access code because she’s already logged in, remotely. He and Edgar scramble to find her location. Using some sort of cloaking device left over from Star Trek, Jack and Grunge Boy escape while Chloe creates a diversion and gets herself caught by CTU. She tells Buchanan she heard the dying Bad Guy’s confession at the refinery. Despite 4 seasons of Jack always being right, they don’t believe her. Russian President Suvarov (sounds like Superoff)’s helicopter lands safely, though everyone insisted it was targeted. Jack arranges to meet hot new girlfriend at Ontario to deliver her son, but when he leaves them to enter the building, Grunge Boy sees more Bad Guys entering and runs in to warn him. Jack finds the bagging supervisor but the airport’s raided and the bagger crunches down a cyanide capsule before Jack can shoot him in the thigh. Palmer’s phone call to Martha My Dear concerned a charity dinner but we’re the only ones who know presidential advisor Walt Didntcatchhislastname really altered it. Best line: “You are gonna tell me what I want to know. It’s just a question of how much you want it to hurt.”

Lost: The 23rd Psalm

Lost. 2.10. First, it has to be said that six weeks is too long to wait between new episodes. There. Now on with the show. Claire seemed to have chosen Aaron’s name for no particular reason but Eko knows the writers better than that. He tells us of the Biblical Aaron who spoke for his brother Moses and through the hour we see the parallels between Eko and his own brother, Yemi, whose priestly role he has assumed. Some themes are brought up again. Sacrifice: as a child, Eko sacrificed his future to save his brother’s. Stolen children: Much like The Others, the Nigerians were also stealing (or enlisting) children.

Charlie proclaims he’s lost and I second that. I don’t understand why Yemi called the military to stop the plane taking off. Seems he would have known they’d use guns to do so. Why would the missionaries have airplanes? We were never told why Eko was in Australia. For some unknown reason, the swirly black smoke monster showed him scenes of his life. So what did it show Locke? Did Eko purposely leave behind his “Jesus stick” after the encounter? Why would Locke and Michael waste a jar of perfectly good ranch salad dressing for target practice? How did Locke know or know how to crack the combination on the door?

Well, clearly Dom needs some tree climbing lessons from Evie. And Evie needs some haircutting tips from anyone. Good on Claire for kicking Charlie out. Best wisecrack was Sawyer’s “Yo yourself, Pillsbury” to Hurley, the doughboy, or boy with the dough. The commercial made me hope someday Sawyer will choose to call Kate “sugar pie honey bunch.” Next up: Michael goes commando and The Others get possessive of their little island.

Just asking...

If Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have a daughter, will they use the Paltrow Fruit Naming Method and chose to call her Peach, as in Peach Pitt?

About a week later: Jean suggests Mosh Pitt. Yup, that'll do.

At the top of the dial

Last week Blogcritics had an article about what whoever wrote it considered some of the best last lines of songs. Before I read the list, the first one that popped in my poor brain was The Beatles song, “The End” which was mentioned. Without spending three weeks going through my entire record collection’s liner notes, here’s some I like:

“Creeque Alley” – Mamas and the Papas – “And California dreamin’ is becoming a reality.
“Subterranean Homesick Blues” – Bob Dylan – “The pump don’t work ‘cause the vandals took the handles.”
“My Old School” – Steely Dan – “I can’t seem to get to you through the U.S. mail.”
“Hotel California” – Eagles – “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”
“Supper’s Ready” – Genesis – “The Lord of Lords, King of Kings, has returned to lead his children home to take them to the New Jerusalem.”
“Vatnið” – Sálin – “Alltaf beið öldungurinn og siðan dó maðurinn.”
“Good Weather for Airstrikes” – Sigur Rós – “En það besta sem guð hefur skapað er nýr dagur.”
“White, Discussion” – Live – “Look where all this talking got us, baby.”
“London Calling” – Clash – “I never felt so much like…like…”
“Thunder Road” – Bruce Springsteen – “It’s a town for losers, I’m pulling out of here to win.”
“Whiter Shade of Pale” – Procol Harum – “Although my eyes were open, they might just as well’ve been closed.”
“Crystal Ship” – The Doors – “When we get back, I’ll drop a line.”

No little events within the heart

Movie: Balzac and the Little Seamstress. Way back in the other century, when I was in college taking Russian History, my professor used to continually urge us students to, “Read, people! Read!” Throughout history one of the major forms of oppression has been the suppression of literature given to the masses. Certain forms of government become exceedingly paranoid of intellectuals and try to stamp them out one way or another. So my professor told us, since we had the freedom to read whatever we wanted, we should take advantage of it for the millions who do not have that privilege. In this movie, two sons of reactionary intellectuals (or more likely people with a middle class education) are placed in a labour camp to be “re-educated” (or dumbed down) during China’s Cultural Revolution. The camp is located in an isolated rural mountain village near the Yangtze River which provides the movie with gorgeous scenery and a tone that is probably far more idyllic than such an existence could have been in real life. While there, the young men fall for a charming, young girl whose life is changed when they begin reading her forbidden foreign literature. Sweet and bittersweet. And I learned chicken can be bourgeois. Who knew?

She wrote me a letter

Movie: Broken Flowers. Bill Murray continues his quest for minimalism. A moody, slow moving piece with virtually no end payoff other than retrospection. And I’m guessing retrospection is the main theme of the movie. We’re told Murray’s character is or was quite the playboy, though there is no evidence of anything enigmatic or interesting about him. Rather, he’s turned into a couch potato. Juxtaposed against this is his neighbour’s idyllic family life that he lacks. Speaking as a hopelessly single person who keeps getting older every year, one tends to look at the potential lives one could have had that slipped by, for one reason or another, and how they had the potential to be so much more fulfilling than what little exists in the present. Murray’s neighbour Winston (played by excellent actor Jeffrey Wright who is once again brilliant) spurs him on a quest to find out if an anonymous letter he received is true and who wrote it. So he reflects on a handful of past relationships by visiting the women he was involved with. They mostly seem to have moved on and created lives for themselves while Murray has remained in the same rut, contributing nothing, leaving no legacy. Also worth pondering: if one’s name is associated with a certain type of person but one is unaware of that type, is one obligated to become that type?

Wedding Bell Blues

Movie: Wedding Crashers. If it’s true that humour is generational, then I may be a little too old for this movie. Which isn’t to say I didn’t find a lot of it funny. The first third, in particular, was fast paced and exceptionally clever. The ideas of wagering over things like which clichéd Bible verse the couple has chosen or whether the bride is a crier, and how the Crashers insinuate themselves into these families by creating elabourate backstories were hilarious. As were their numerous Crasher Buddy Rules. But when Owen and Vince (advice to Ms Aniston: run Jen, run like the wind!) go home with a dysfunctional socialite family, each one of whom is more certifiable than the last, the movie takes an ugly, crass, crude and unacceptable turn. Are all millennium men stuck at age thirteen? So much promise, gone so fast. Anyway, some good lines: “The real enemy is the institution of marriage.” “Please don’t take a turn to Negative Town.” “I’m not picking on love because I don’t think friendship exists either.”

Sun pillar 

This holy slime

Another perhaps interesting weather phenomenon are sun pillars; columns of vertical light that have a divine appearance, especially the ones crossed by a horizontal bar. Sun pillars form around sunrise and sunset when tiny horizontally oriented ice crystals in high level cirroform clouds or ice-fog near the earth’s surface reflect the sunlight as they fall. The pillar will take on the colour of the sun and usually appear red or white. It’s also possible to see moon pillars.

Far away from here

Red Dwarf: Series 6 quotes:

• I sound like some barely human grossed out slime ball. – Oh excellent, sir, it’s all coming back to you then.
• I’m tasteless, uncouth, tone deaf, mindless, revolting, randy, blokeish, semi-literate space bum. – Oh welcome back, Mr Lister.
• Smug mode.
• Space weevil’s have eaten the last of the corn supply.
• Step up to red alert. – Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.
• This will of course leave me splattered across deep space and unable to finish today’s laundry, for which I apologize in advance.
• Broadcast in all known languages, including Welsh.
• Just because I look like Herman Munster’s stunt man doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate art.
• Psycho rating’s gotta be 4 ½ chain saws.
• What happens if we all get killed? I’ll never hear the last of it.
• I think we’ve all got something to bring to this discussion but I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence.
• I’m no stranger to the land of scoff.
• The Eatbourne Zimmer Frame Relay Team can easily outrun us.
• He’s looking so geeky, I don’t think he could even get in a science fiction convention.
• Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast.
• I’m perfectly well aware of what you are, sir.
• Higher than a hippie on a third day of an open air festival.
• May I suggest the rest of this discourse is conducted by those with a brain larger than a grape.
• Don’t you know how very rude it is to burst in on an earlier version of yourself without warning? You’ve made our day totally surreal now.
• Pardon my paradox.
• Were the words “kit” or “paint before assembly” written on the side?

Gleðileg Jól

For some unknown reason this year there’s a big tizzy about the use of the word Christmas. It shouldn’t be a surprise since the names for other holidays (Easter and Halloween, especially) have suffered the same ridiculous maligning. All this nonsense made me, being half Swedish, wonder why the Swedes call this holiday Jul (and the Icelanders Jól.) Apparently, the Vikings and the Norsemen celebrated the winter solstice around December 21st. The celebration was called Iol, Iul, Jule, or Yule. Yuletide means "the sun's turning." The Swedish word for wheel is hjul, the Old Norse jól and the Icelandic hjól. So Jul or Jól was celebrated as the turning of the wheel, to identify when the wheel of the year was at its lowest point, ready to rise again. None of this explains why the Swedish and Icelandic name for the month of July is Juli. I do know that after listening to interminable Christmas songs on Icelandic radio this month, I am thoroughly sick of the jólasveinar. Oh yeah, and Happy Festivus to the rest of ya’s.

Waltzing with osbcuring sound

Since year’s end rapidly approaches, lists are being compiled on the best songs and/or albums of 2005. In looking over US lists, I might have heard of one or two artists, if not their songs. When Iceland’s Radio 2 publishes their most played song list of the year, I’ll be able to comment since most of those will be familiar. As for what I would nominate for Song of the Year, the Leaves’ “Shakma” is foremost in my mind, so I guess that would be it. Probably having nothing to do with the 1990 slasher movie of the same name about an escaped murderous baboon, the song has been described as “eight minutes of brooding majestic beauty that gets bigger and bigger as it develops, resulting in a frantic instrument-bashing wall of sound” and “jaw-dropping” and “a lingering, wide-reaching epic, drawing a beautiful soundscape, with minor to major chord changes giving the track a bittersweet feel” and with “lyrics that verbally describe the vastness of the music.” The lead singer of Leaves, Arnar Guðjónsson, says it “was like writing a symphony.” You may or may not be able to listen to the song streamed at this guy's blog. Here are the lyrics:

SHAKMA

I'm drifting weightless far above the ground

My hands are feeling frail

I try to swim towards the soothing sound

But something slows me down.

Soon they're shining ever clear

The skyline is beautiful

The sleeping fleet is marching to the moon

The horns are blown with joy

Just passing by

Drunken starlit sky

It's a carnival in the air

And everything seems clear

The wind is waltzing with osbcuring sound

The stars are lining up

It makes me colourful and dreamy

But then I start to fall

Just passing by

Drunken starlit sky

It's a carnival in the air

And everything seems clear

It's where I feel so real

Everything seems so clear, so real

Cause when it appears to me I'm free

How they play and play

Thanks to Carolyn for loaning it to me, I got to watch the first season of the BBC show Extras. The series deals with the lives and encounters of background actors Andy Millman and his Scottish gal pal Maggie. He (Ricky Gervais) is more likeable than his character in The Office, but still severely lacking in social skills. She comes across as a bit daft. Together they fumble their way through life and work, perpetually sticking a foot in their mouths, then extracting it only to stick the other one in its place. Some quotes:

• You are guaranteed an Oscar if you play a mental.
• Sorry to interrupt you again when you’re thinking about your slaughtered loved ones.
• I can’t – I’m doing anything else.
• I love all the number films.
• At the moment I’m concentrating more on background work looking out towards getting a speaking role.
• Your heart’s not in it, is it?
• If you do get a hair in there, he just gets it out with his big sausage fingers.
• Why do men not dress like that nowadays? –Because they’d get beaten up on the tube.
• That’s three years of drama school for you.
• They’re only human. – He’s not.
• What’s ET short for? He’s only got little legs.
• I looked at you and thought, what a pathetic loser.
• You might be a mental case but let’s find out.
• She’s really lovely but she’s a wee bit mental.
• Microphones are for wimps.

When will I be loved?

Movie: Must Love Dogs. What tried to be a romantic comedy but instead borrowed every cliché available and ended up with a dull and slightly immature script for discussing “mature” (meaning over 40?) relationships. Which is a shame because Diane Lane and John Cusack are appealing and have performed excellently in other better written and directed movies. I didn’t think it was as horrible as many reviews stated, just nothing special. And some things confused me. Starting with Lane’s family feeling it necessary to perform an intervention because she hadn’t dated for 8 months. 8 months? Like that was a major crisis! And I couldn’t figure out what spurred these people to date at all besides hormones and an aversion to loneliness, which is what everyone is looking for in a mate (sarcasm mode here.) I may have zonked out or gone brain dead at one point because Lane’s reasons for being angry with Dermot Mulroney also escaped me. The one thought provoking question this film does ask, though, is why “mature” men want to date young girls who don’t have many cultural experiences (in this case not being able to understand Dr Zhivago.) It seems it would prove annoying as all get out, but maybe it makes men feel superior and intelligent. And that’s what’s really important. Where this movie lost major points for me was in adding Cheryl Crowe to the soundtrack. Whoever told this woman she could sing was severely deranged. Her half note off key voice is an assault to my ears! Please, someone lock the studio doors before she tries to record again!

In a swamp down in Degobah

Yoda

A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.

Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life greets it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.

I'm not confident about your hairstyle, Jack! 

Countdown to 24

A ten minute video preview for the upcoming Season 5 of 24 is available online. Also see screencaps from it. Can't wait, but unfortunately there's another month to go before the first episode airs. Chloe's system has been compromised and Jack's sporting a mullet! Talk about disasters!

An honour to be nominated

One of the films nominated for the next Nordic Prize is the Icelandic Dís, based on the novel of the same name written by three friends. One of those friends, Silja Hauksdóttir, appears to be the one in charge of the group who adapted the book into a film. The film is set in Reykjavík during the summer of 2000 when a twenty something girl named Dís has taken a summer job as a receptionist at the Hótel Borg. This leads to encountering some interesting people who influence her life in different ways. Add in some clubbing, romantic entanglements with or without twins, retracted job offers, a fixation on former Icelandic president Vigdis Finnbogadóttir, the Dallas TV show, an earthquake, and some sarcasm and stir. Hauksdóttir studied philosophy at the University of Iceland which somehow led to working freelance in tv commercials, sitcoms and films. Since Dís, Hauksdóttir has directed a documentary about an Icelandic women's choir, titled The Choir. Go figure.

Miss Iceland

 

What in the world

In my diligence to keep an eye on all things Icelandic, I see that Miss Iceland won the ever-so-important Miss World 2005 competition held Friday in Sanya, China. The 21-year old Unnur Birna Vilhjálmsdóttir, a name probably unpronounceable to the non-Nordic, was born in Reykjavík but grew up in the small town of Seltjarnarnes. For the past year, she's been studying anthropology at university. Next fall she'll begin to study law and graduate with a double major. In the meantime she spent her summer working as a police officer intern at the airport. She enjoys acting, singing, dancing, snow-boarding, hiking, camping, horsemanship and playing the piano. Her favourite motto is “You are what you do” or “You are what you make.” Perhaps not coincidentally (thanks to genetics), her mother also represented Iceland in 1983. Now if only genetics could explain why I'm half Scandinavian and half Celtic (like most Icelanders), with brown hair and green eyes but never looked anything like this gal! Bummer!

Tónlist ársins nominations

Nominations for the annual Icelandic Music Awards have been announced. I'm not sure when the voting and winner announcements take place, but I'll blog about it when it happens. Here are the nominations, with my personal preferences starred (not to say that those are necessarily the best or what will win, just what I like most.)

Popp - Hljómplata ársins (Pop album of the year)
Ampop - My Delusions*
Emilíana Torrini - Fisherman's Woman
Hjálmar - Hjálmar
Ragnheiður Gröndal - After the Rain
Jónsi - Jónsi

Rokk/jaðartónlist - Hljómplata ársins (Rock/alternative album of the year)
Ég - Plata ársins
Daníel - Swallowed a Star
Kimono - Arctic Death Ship
Sigur Rós – Takk*
Trabant - Emotional

Dægurtónlist - Hljómplata ársins (Contemporary music album of the year)
Baggalútur - Pabbi þarf að vinna
Bubbi - Ást/...Í 6 skrefa fjarlægð frá paradís*
Guðrún Gunnars og Friðrik Ómar - Ég skemmti mér
Ingibjörg Þorbergs - Í sólgulu húsi
Orri Harðar - Trú

Flytjandi ársins (Performer of the year)
Dr. Spock
Hjálmar
Sigur Rós
Stuðmenn*
Trabant

Lag og texti ársins (Music and lyrics)
Baggalútur - Pabbi þarf að vinna
Bubbi - Ástin mín
Sálin hans Jóns míns - Undir þínum áhrifum*
Emilíana Torrini - Sunnyroad
Ég - Eiður Smári Guðjohnsen

Söngkona ársins (Female singer of the year)
Emilíana Torrini
Hildur Vala
Ragnheiður Gröndal
Ragnhildur Gísladóttir*
Regína Ósk

Söngvari ársins (Male singer of the year)
Bubbi
Daníel Ágúst Haraldsson
Stefán Hilmarsson*
Jón Þór Birgisson
Jón Jósep Snæbjörnsson

Myndband ársins (Music video of the year)
Ampop - My Delusions*
Brúðarbandið - Brúðarbandsmantran
Emilíana Torrini - Sunnyroad
Ég - Plata ársins
Sigur Rós - Hoppípolla

Bjartasta vonin (Newcomer of the year)
Ampop*
Baggalútur
Benni Hemm Hemm
Garðar Thór Cortes
Jakobínarína

In the middle of a cloud

This being the 25th anniversary of Mr Lennon's murder, they've been discussing him and playing his songs this morning on Radio 2. Since I was born sometime in the 60s, he was a huge influence on my life. Because he was the intelligent one, of course he was my favourite Beatle. I was in school when I found out he'd been killed. There was a note on the bulletin board. For weeks later a lot of the guys wore black armbands. All this time later, it still seems impossible of a thing to have happened. He gave us some great music, with and without the Beatles. In alphabetical order, here are the solo songs I like best:

• #9 dream
• Dear Yoko
• Gimme some truth
• Give peace a chance
• God
• Happy xmas
• How do you sleep
• Imagine
• Instant karma
• Mind games
• Nobody told me
• Power to the people
• Watching the wheels
• Whatever gets you through the night
• Woman is the nigger of the world

Surprised by Inklings

I was surprised yesterday that my niece Shannen, who’s greatly anticipating the new Narnia movie, had not heard of the Inklings, the group of C.S. Lewis’s friends and colleagues who met weekly to critique their writings and discuss current events. Begun around 1933, the meetings continued until nearly 1950, every Thursday evening at Magdalen College in Oxford. In addition to Lewis, the most famous Inkling was J.R.R. Tolkien. He and Hugo Dyson were instrumental in converting Lewis from atheism to Christianity. Reportedly Dyson held such a dislike for Lord of the Rings that when Tolkien read from his works in progress, he was heard to mutter “not another elf!” Other notables in the group were Warnie Lewis (Jack’s brother), Christopher Tolkien (son of Tolkien), R.E. Harvard (Lewis and Tolkien’s doctor, affectionately referred to as “the useless quack”), Owen Barfield (“the man who disagrees with you about everything” and appropriately went on to become a lawyer who lived to age 99), and Charles Williams, an electric personality who never stopped scribbling dark themed supernatural thrillers that no one comprehended. Williams seems to have created a wedge between the good friends Lewis and Tolkien. Lewis’s marriage to divorcee Joy Gresham and his insistence on her inclusion in the Inklings who considered her too brash (can anyone say Yoko?) also strained Lewis and Tolkien’s friendship.

Lost : What Kate Did

Lost: 2.9. While arguing over who has more faith, Locke and Eko forget to enter the numbers in time and the hatch explodes which sets off a chain reaction of explosions in the 815 other hatches on the island and the entire island explodes, killing everyone on it except for baby Aaron who’s seen in the last shot floating away in his cradle. Or, we learn that when Kate found out her obnoxious abusive creepy stepfather with horrendous taste in music was really her father, she faked a gas leak and blew up his house, with him in it. What a gal! My problem with her stated reasons for doing this, being that she wanted to kill the part of herself that was like this man, is that, first of all, since her mother was the one being abused, her mother was the one who needed to take responsibility for fixing her own life. Secondly, there’s no way killing someone is going to make you a better person, or take away the bad parts of your personality. Seeing a horse and a seemingly possessed Sawyer on the island made Kate think she was going crazy, but me and my cat think she was already “a few picnics short of a summer.” And leaving the button unattended was the height of irresponsibility. But I did appreciate her choosing the song “Walking After Midnight” as that song is often on my mind.

I also highly appreciated a shirtless Jin who just looks better every week. Thumbs up, indeed! I didn’t understand what Ana Lucia was doing. Burying something it seemed, but what? Her ego, we can hope. Michael notices the hatch has blast doors in case of an explosion. It’s video night on Crap Island so Locke shows him and Eko the not exactly Oscar worthy Dr Candle film. Michael’s full of questions, like what about the missing sections? Locke doesn’t think they’re anything important. Let’s all laugh at that one! Eko shows Locke the Bible he found in the arrow hatch. After telling him a curious and timely story of the Temple being rebuilt, he shares the contents of the Bible with Locke. Oh look, it’s the missing section of the video. Or one of the missing sections. When spliced back in, it informs us that trying to use the computer to communicate with the outside world is forbidden because it could compromise the integrity of the project (whatever the project is) and lead to another incident (whatever the incident is.)

Michael heard none of this but he did hear the computer beep a strange hello. The typist appears to be Walt but I don’t know how this show expects me to believe anything it shows me. In the meantime, Sawyer perks up. I’ll be grateful for his returned sarcasm. Eko warns Locke about the difference between coincidence and fate. But they really needed to be asking themselves who cut out the piece from the filmstrip and why? And why does Candle appear younger in the missing section? In a way, this show seems like a scavenger hunt: Find the Black Rock and retrieve the sweaty dynamite. Find the second hatch and retrieve the lost section of film. Kill a wild boar/polar bear/monster. Build a raft and try to escape. Hike across island to return to base camp, etc. Why didn’t the airbag on Kate’s side of the car inflate? I’m also still confused why the Marshall was so antagonistic towards Kate. I blinked and missed Sayid being arrested on the television at Kate’s father’s recruiting office. Best line: “This place is crazy and it’s driving me nuts” from Kate. Welcome to Fandom. Next up (January 11th??!!) Eko meets the monster.